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-Lurid Crime Tales-
Man who had sex with bike in court
2007-10-26

This is almost as good as the previous pervs featured on RB, who had sex with roadkills, or raped female pitbulls.
A man has been placed on the sex offendersÂ’ register after being caught trying to have sex with a bicycle. Robert Stewart was discovered in his room by two cleaners at the Aberley House Hostel in Ayr, south west Scotland, in October last year.

On Wednesday Mr Stewart admitted to sexual breach of the peace in Ayr Sheriff Court, where depute fiscal Gail Davidson described how he had been found by the hostel workers. She said: "They knocked on the door several times and there was no reply.

"They used a master key to unlock the door and they then observed the accused wearing only a white T-shirt, naked from the waist down.

"The accused was holding the bike and moving his hips back and forth as if to simulate sex."

Both witnesses, who were extremely shocked, notified the hotel manager, who in turn alerted the police.

Mr Stewart was placed on the sex offendersÂ’ register but his sentence was deferred until next month.

He is not the first man to be convicted of a sexual offence involving an inanimate object, however. Karl Watkins, an electrician, was jailed for having sex with pavements in Redditch, Worcs, in 1993.
Posted by:anonymous5089

#16  hope the bike had a seat on the pole....
Posted by: Frank G   2007-10-26 20:57  

#15  Aaah, those sexy bikes...

Okay, I admit that my imagination is at loss trying to picture the act.

OK, a technical question: Would a sex with tricycle be "Ménage à trois"?
Posted by: twobyfour   2007-10-26 20:28  

#14  Maybe he was cross training his unit.
Posted by: wxjames   2007-10-26 18:27  

#13  The guy may be a loser but he was in a locked room engaged in activity with his personal, inanimate property.
How is he a sex offender? And someone humping a blowup doll is not?
What public purpose was served by prosecuting him?

And placing him on the sex offenders register achieves what?
Posted by: john frum   2007-10-26 17:10  

#12  Okay, the guy is sick, stupid and slow, but he was in a locked room and I think it would be hard to claim anyone was truly injured in this event. In fact I'm guessing the hostel had a lot of laughs at his expense so they should comp the room and let him go.
Posted by: rjschwarz   2007-10-26 16:14  

#11  "Does "inanimate object" include blow up dolls?"

Depends on where ya do it.
Posted by: DepotGuy   2007-10-26 15:47  

#10  "Yer honor, sir, every time I tried to have a meaningful conversation with my bicycle, it kept changing gears."
Posted by: mrp   2007-10-26 14:37  

#9  Was the bike underage?
Posted by: Swamp Blondie   2007-10-26 14:31  

#8  Hey there, nice tassles..
Do those spokes go all the way around?
Wanna go where the rubber meets the road?
Sch-winn, baby!
Posted by: swksvolFF   2007-10-26 14:25  

#7  A bi-cycle was it?
Posted by: Besoeker   2007-10-26 14:00  

#6  Cannot picture this, just glad it wasn't a
Huff(er)y....
Posted by: USN, Ret.   2007-10-26 13:58  

#5  a sexual offence involving an inanimate object

Are vibrators animate or inanimate?



Posted by: DoDo   2007-10-26 13:47  

#4  In Massachusetts, he could marry the bike and make this all go away...
Posted by: tu3031   2007-10-26 13:17  

#3  sex with pavements ????
Posted by: Frank G   2007-10-26 13:07  

#2  Bicycles have been used for ages as objects.

I suggest checking up what the French generals were watching when Hitler's forces attacked. Something degenerate enough that the didn't leave a number where they could be reached with their underlings.

Hint it involved, modified bicycle seats, betting and young women.

Posted by: 3dc   2007-10-26 13:06  

#1  So... bicycles, scooters and motor-cycles in danger of molestation can look up this guy in the sex offender's register and be suitably informed?

Does "inanimate object" include blow up dolls?
Posted by: john frum   2007-10-26 12:49  

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