And, you know, the thing about a shark... he's got lifeless eyes. Black eyes. Like Nancy Pelosi eyes. When he comes at ya, doesn't seem to be living... until he bites ya, and those black eyes roll over white and then... ah then you hear that terrible high-pitched screamin'...
A Marthas Vineyard harbor master raised the alarming prospect of “Jaws returning” after a large shark was spotted cutting through the waves just 70 yards off South Beach yesterday. An eagle-eyed lifeguard spotted the menacing fin off the Edgartown strand and ordered everyone out of the water yesterday morning, moments before a sightseeing plane overhead spotted the monster gliding just below the surface.
But, as you see, it's a beautiful day, the beaches are open and people are having a wonderful time. Edgartown
This is a large shark,” said Edgartown Harbor Master Charles Blair. “We dont know the species. It was a pretty big fin spotted about 70 yards from the beach. Its close enough for me. We got like Jaws returning over here.” Blair spent hours yesterday in a fruitless hunt for the toothsome sea beast. But it managed to elude any further sightings, including an all-out aerial hunt waged by the state, which paid a pilot to search waters off the beach for two hours after the initial sightings.
Mr. Vaughn, what we are dealing with here is a perfect engine, an eating machine. It's really a miracle of evolution. All this machine does is swim and eat and make little sharks, and that's all.
Blair said there were a total of three possible shark sightings yesterday, but no one could determine the species of shark spotted and whether it was the much-feared great white of “Jaws” movie fame.“I got a feeling we gotta be vigilant,” Blair said. “The same goes for our sister island, Nantucket. If you see them, you just try to see what direction theyre swimming.”
I'll catch this bird for you, but it ain't gonna be easy. Bad fish. Not like going down to the pond and chasing bluegills and tommycocks. This shark, swallow you whole. No shakin', no tenderizin', down you go. And we gotta do it quick, that'll bring back your tourists, put all your businesses on a payin' basis. But it's not gonna be pleasant. I value my neck a lot more than three thousand bucks, chief. I'll find him for three, but I'll catch him, and kill him, for ten. But you've gotta make up your minds. If you want to stay alive, then ante up. If you want to play it cheap, be on welfare the whole winter. I don't want no volunteers, I don't want no mates, there's too many captains on this island. Ten thousand dollars for me by myself. For that you get the head, the tail, the whole damn thing.
Blair said none of the beaches were closed, but shark warnings have been posted at both South Beach and Sylvia Beach.
Larry, the summer is over. You're the mayor of "shark city". These people think you want the beaches open.
Department of Conservation and Recreation spokeswoman Wendy Fox said the state cannot shut down the beaches, since it is public land that stretches for miles.“We cant tell people they can't swim there,” she said. “But we can recommend against it.”
I'd tell 'em, "Sure, go ahead and swim. Lemme get my camera first."
Blair said yesterdays shark sighting comes weeks after island fishermen reported seeing a rare great white breach - when the antediluvian horror burst through the waters surface.
Now this guy knows how to write a shark story...
The uptick in shark sightings not surprisingly coincides with a seal population explosion, Blair said. The cute, playful animals are actually harbingers of doom for casual swimmers, drawing predatory sharks from thousands of miles in search of their favorite meal.
Harbingers of doom, I tells ya!!!
“Vigilance is the word,” Blair said about any threat the menace of movie fame may pose to humans.
My wife's going down this weekend. Told her no getting drunk and takin a midnight swim.And be vigilant...