They're back! Unfortunately, it is online only these days. Note that the slogan has changed from "world's only reliable newsaper" to "world only reliable news." True enough, since we can rely on them to make up stuff 100% of the time rather than just when it just suits their agenda.
I always preferred "most trusted name in major media."
PONTIAC, Mich. -- Twenty-seven years after his mysterious disappearance from a Michigan restaurant, Jimmy Hoffa has been found -- as a shrunken head! The legendary labor leader's smoked, leathery, wrinkled 5-inch noggin was purchased for $22.95 by a retired Teamster at a Miami souvenir shop in June. Lou Terkel, 75, says he recognized his old union president immediately. "I couldn't believe my eyes," says Terkel, who took it back home to Michigan and promptly called the FBI.
Forensic experts compared DNA from Hoffa's hair found in the car in which he took his last ride and say it's a match.
Hoffa's disappearance in July 1975 has been the subject of a massive FBI investigation. He was declared legally dead in 1985. Theories about his body's location range from landfills to the Giants Stadium in East Rutherford, N.J.
The Florida shop owner, says he "inherited" the head from his dead uncle, who also was a prominent voodoo priest in Miami. But how and why the head came to be shrunken and where the rest of Hoffa's body lies remain a mystery.
"Jimmy's not saying anything," says one investigator. "His lips are literally sewn shut!"