Which candidate would you have a beer with at the family reunion?
. . . You didn't even know you had a cousin Sarah until Uncle John introduces her. Okay, yeah, he did mention something one time about a second cousin, three times removed who lived in an igloo with a bunch of kids, sewed moccasins out of moose hide from a moose she tracked ten miles through a blizzard while simultaneously running the entire state of Alaska, but you never thought you were actually going to meet her.
Wow! She is smokin' hot. Except she's got that husband who won the Iron Dog something or other four times. You're not sure exactly what that entails, but anything with the word "iron" in it makes you try to keep acting like you're not looking at her while you chug your Miller Gold. . . .Uncle John's beaming like a new daddy handing out cigars. He just knew everybody was going to like Cousin Sarah. Professor Cool, community organizer guy comes over and starts in, "Now, hold on. Just hold on a second. I'm the community organizer and she's not doing it right. I mean, sure, she's shot a moose and run a state, but I know how to organize a community and this is not how you organize a community. First, we need a meeting..."
Nobody's listening. Uncle Joe tries to get in on the show, too. He saunters over to where Cousin Sarah is standing, holding a baby on her hip, a bowl of baked beans in one hand and the instructions for erecting the big tent out on the lawn in the other. "Hey, little lady. That looks too hard. Let me help you." Then he takes the bowl of baked beans, sits it on the table and acts like he just successfully negotiated a treaty between Russia and Georgia. . . .