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| -Short Attention Span Theater- |
| US Separation Agreement, Rev 0 |
| 2009-10-07 |
| My son got this from a teacher, who got it via e-mail. Pretty impressive for a law student! Enjoy! Dear American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists, Marxists, Obama supporters, et al: We have stuck together since the late 1950's, but the whole of this latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce. I know we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, but sadly, this relationship has run its course. Our two ideological sides of America cannot and will not ever agree on what is right so let's just end it on friendly terms. We can smile and chalk it up to irreconcilable differences and go our own way. Here is a model separation agreement: Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by landmass each taking a portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am sure our two sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that, it should be relatively easy! Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate tastes. We don't like redistributive taxes so you can keep them. You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU, and abortion clinics. Since you hate guns and war, we'll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA and the military. You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore, Katie Couric and Rosie O'Donnell... We'll keep the capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart and Wall Street. You can have your beloved homeless, homeboys, hippies and illegal aliens. We'll keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms and rednecks. We'll keep the Bibles and give you CBS, NBC, CNBC and Hollywood .. You can make nice with Iran and Palestine and we'll retain the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us. You can have the peaceniks, and war protesters. When our allies or our way of life are under assault, we'll help provide them security. We'll keep our Judeo-Christian values. You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism and Shirley McClain. You can also have the U.N., but we will no longer be paying the bill. We'll keep the SUVs, pickup trucks American made cars and oversized luxury cars. You can take every Subaru station wagon you can find. You can give everyone healthcare if you can find any practicing doctors. We'll continue to believe healthcare is not a right. We'll keep The Battle Hymn of the Republic and the National Anthem and "In God We Trust" where it belongs. I'm sure you'll be happy to substitute I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing, Kum Ba Ya or We Are the World. We'll practice trickle down economics and you can give trickle up poverty your best shot. Since it often so offends you, we'll keep our history, our name and our flag. Would you agree to this? If so, please pass it along to other like minded liberal and conservative patriots and if you do not agree, just hit delete. In the spirit of friendly parting, I'll bet you ANWAR which one of us will need whose help in 15 years. Sincerely, John J. Wall Law Student and an American P.S. Also, please take Barbara Streisand and Jane Fonda with you. P.P.S. And the horse you rode in on!!!! |
| Posted by:Ptah |
| #10 Premature congratulations to the li'l Rexette! Just let us know when the time comes, Rex Mundi. :-) |
| Posted by: trailing wife 2009-10-07 22:23 |
| #9 Texas is also first on my list, especially given reason #6. Cali's software/hardware industry is dead. The only thing going is web dev. No thanks. One the li'l Rexette graduates, it's adios Cali! |
| Posted by: Rex Mundi 2009-10-07 18:20 |
| #8 Was in the Dallas - Fort Worth area once about 20 years ago. Nice area. Nice people. Wouldn't mind working there. Ahh..... Frozen Margarettas by the pitcher. |
| Posted by: CrazyFool 2009-10-07 15:35 |
| #7 It's on my possibles list to emigrate to now the EUSSR is for real. |
| Posted by: Bright Pebbles 2009-10-07 14:00 |
| #6 Unemployment is only 8%; considerably lower than many left and right coasts. Industry friendly environment. Warm climate for the most part. Sensible population--not looney crazy moonbats or least they have minimal impact. |
| Posted by: JohnQC 2009-10-07 13:43 |
| #5 I think I'll be moving to Texas--its warmer than my side of the Red Nation. |
| Posted by: Lumpy Elmoluck5091 2009-10-07 11:51 |
| #4 I got a similar email a few months ago: From The People of Texas We Texans love y'all, but we'll have to take action since "Barry" Barrack Obama won the presidency over John McCain. We'll miss you, too. Texas has given all those complainers plenty of time to get used to the results. After seeing the whiners along the campaign route, the folks from Texas are considering taking matters into our own hands. Here is our solution: #1: Elect Barrack Obama President of the United States. (All 49 States.) #2: George W. Bush becomes the President of the Republic of Texas. So what does Texas have to do to survive as a Republic? 1. NASA is just south of Houston, Texas. (We will control the Space Industry.) 2. We refine over 85% of the gasoline in the United States. 3. Defense Industry. (We have over 65% of it.) The term "Don't mess with Texas" will take on a whole new meaning. 4. Oil - we can supply all the oil that the Republic of Texas will need for the next 300 years. Yankee states? Sorry about that. 5. Natural Gas - Again we have all we need and it's too bad about those northern states. John Kerry will figure a way to keep them warm. 6. Computer Industry - we currently lead the nation in the production of computer chips and communications: Small places like Texas Instruments, Dell Computer, EDS, Raytheon, National Semiconductor, Motorola, Intel, AMD, Atmel, , Dallas Semi- conductor, Applied Materials, Ball Semiconductor, Delphi, Nortel, Alcatel, etc, etc. The list goes on and on and on. 7. Health Centers - We have the largest research centers for Cancer research, the best burn centers and the top trauma units in the world and other large health planning centers. 8. We have enough colleges to keep us going: UT Texas, A&M, Texas Tech, Rice, SMU, University of Houston, Baylor, UNT, Texas Women's University. Ivy grows better in the south, anyway. 9. We've a ready supply of workers. (Just open the Border when we need some more.) 10. We have control of the paper industry, plastics, insurance, etc. 11. In case of a foreign invasion, we have the Texas National Guard and the Texas Air National Guard. We don't have an army, but since every body down here has at least six rifles and a big pile of ammo, we can raise an army in 24 hours, if we need it. If the situation really gets bad, we can always call the Department of Public Safety and ask them to send over a couple Texas Rangers. 12. We are totally self-sufficient in beef, poultry, hogs and several types of grain, fruit and vegetables and let's not forget seafood from the Gulf. And everybody down here knows how to cook them so that they taste good. We don't need any food. 13. You will need a passport and visa to enter our borders – this will be enforced! This just names a few of the items that will keep the Republic of Texas in good shape. There isn't a thing out there that we need or don't have. Now as to the rest of the United States under President Obama: Since you won't have the refineries to get gas for your cars, only Mr. Kerry will be able to drive around in his 9 mile per gallon SUV. The rest of the United States will have to walk or ride bikes. You won't have any TV as the Space Center in Houston will cut off all of your communications. You won't have any natural gas to heat your homes, but since Mr. Kerry has predicted Global Warming, you will not need any gas. Signed, The Free People of Texas Have a really nice day! |
| Posted by: Woozle Uneter9007 2009-10-07 10:47 |
| #3 I thought the ultimate hippie-wannabe mobile was the Volvo station wagon. |
| Posted by: CrazyFool 2009-10-07 10:45 |
| #2 Hold on, I like the Subaru station wagons Careful thing, Lesbaru |
| Posted by: Beavis 2009-10-07 09:27 |
| #1 Hold on, I like the Subaru station wagons. Make 'em take the toyota hybrids though. |
| Posted by: Thing From Snowy Mountain 2009-10-07 09:24 |