WESLEY CHAPEL — Deanne Elsholz said her husband urinated on the bathroom floor.
Well, at least ah was in the bathroom, wommin!
David Elsholz just wanted to go back to sleep.
Shut up, wommin! Ah gotta get up early! If'n ah don't, the illegals git all the plum jobs at the labor pool!
And now...here come the stereotypes.
It was almost midnight Monday at their mobile home at 5951 Woodsman Drive in the Angus Valley community. Deputies who arrived later said the place was cluttered with Natural Light beer cans, and both husband and wife appeared to be drunk.
Nuthin but the best fa us, snookums!
"What are you doing?" Deanne, 44, asked David, 50, when she heard his urine spraying the floor, according to what she told authorities.
Whut's it look lahk I'm doin, wommin! Ah's peeing in the bathroom!
She said her husband then slapped her about the head with a towel and, in retaliation, she threw a glass from her nightstand at his face. It hit him in the nose, a report states, and blood poured down his chest and arms.
What y'all hit me in tha face wit a glass fo, wommin!
Then, Deanne "ran into the bathroom and slipped on David's pee," the report states.
Dammit, David.! Ah fell in yer pee!
Serves ya raht, bitch, fa cuttin me with a glass!
She told deputies David kicked her in the ribs while she was on the ground, and she crawled to get her phone and called 911.
Damn, bitch! Ah slipped in mah pee and kicked ya in tha ribs!
David's story was that he was sleeping and woke up to use the bathroom. After urinating, he went back to bed but Deanne started yelling at him, the report states.
...and ah think I deserves credit fa that, officer, cuz usually ah ju roll ovah and pee out tha winda.
"David told her he didn't want to argue and he just wanted to sleep."
Not now, baybee. Ah gut a headache...
Then she hit him with the glass, he told authorities.
Ah'll cutya, David! Ah'll cutya!!
Deanne was deemed the aggressor in the brawl and arrested. She is charged with domestic battery — something David has been charged with twice in recent years, according to the Pasco Sheriff's Office.
Ha-ha, wommin! Ah'm still in tha lead!
Deanne is being held without bail in the Land O'Lakes jail. She complained of rib pain and was taken to a local hospital to be checked out. Doctors said she was fine, the report states.
Ah luv ya, baby! Ah'll call tha publick defenda when ah sober up n' we'll get this heah thang all stratened out! Doan worry, baby!