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| -Short Attention Span Theater- |
| This New Roommate is Driving Me Nuts |
| 2011-05-07 |
| Iowahawk Guest Commentary by Abu Musab Al-Zarqawi Former Senior VP, Al-Qaeda In Iraq Yo brosephus, what's crackalackin' with the booty smackin'? Longtime no fatwa. Like what's it been, 5 years? Yeah, I know, I got a whole inbox full of emails from you infidel fags all like, "yo Zark, holla at a playa, how's that paradise shit workin' out witchu?" And by the way, you can stop sending me them stupid LOLgoat pictures, I seen 'em all. Listen chump, Zarkman ain't got time for your internet jibber jabber, or twitter twatter, or whatever that latest earth shit is. And stop asking me to friend you up on FagBook to play MafiaWars or Cowville and all that gayass computer shit. Yo cuzz, Zarkman gots bigger problems. Let me help you out son: this paradise resort is a straightup kick in the dick. I ain't playin' with you holmes, this shithole is worse than the Ramadi Inn during Taliban convention week. Yeah, I know it's supposed to be Allah's own 5-Diamond eternal reward getaway, peace be upon him, blah blah blah. But for fuck sake, can't he afford to hire a better staff? Look, Zarkman don't like to bitch, but if these fuckers don't give me a room upgrade real soon I got half a mind to drop them a nasty rating on Priceline. Yeah, I got all the brochures. The all-you-can-eat buffet, the beach volleyball, the 24-hour poontang room service. But every time I ask about it, that fat sunburned asshole desk manager Lou is all like, "oh, I'm sorry Mister Zarqawi, that part of the property is currently under repairs." And then he starts laughing again like some damn idiot and stabs me right in the nutsack with a frickin' pitchfork. Customer service, my ass. Even the fire alarms don't work in this dump. And don't get me started on their "famous 72-flavor virgin menu." Cuzz, I ain't had no snappa in so long my nards look like a pair of bearded 5-pound plums. Not that I'm experiencing lack of nookie, though. Wordlife cracka, the last 5 years has been one non-stop muthafuckin' prom night. With Zarkman as prom queen. I guess it wouldn't be so bad if my goddamned mystery dates bought me a corsage once in a while. Or if they didn't uses cheese graters as condoms. |
| Posted by:Beavis |
| #2 Well Zarkman, now you and Binny can tradeoff playing drop the soap in the shower since the 72 virgin thing isn't what it was billed to be. |
| Posted by: JohnQC 2011-05-07 16:40 |
| #1 Zarkman...LOL - brilliant. Iowahawk rocks as usual. |
| Posted by: Broadhead6 2011-05-07 14:37 |