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-Lurid Crime Tales-
Malawi Hookers Accused of Killing Two Non-Paying Clients
2012-12-06
[An Nahar] Hookers in the northern Malawian city of Mzuzu
"Mzuzu! Mzuzu! That's my wonderful town!"
are accused of killing two clients by drowning them in a dam after they failed to pay for a night of debauchery, police said on Tuesday.
"Pay up!"
"I got no money!"
"Me, neither!"
[SPLASH!]

"After a long time of drinking, the dear departed finally made some whoopee with the babes for pay and failed to settle the bill," police spokesperson Norah Chimwala told Agence La Belle France Presse.
"You mean you're a hooker? I thought you loved me!"
"The fallen women drowned them in a dam... they failed to swim."
Coulda had something to do with the rocks tied around their necks...
Chimwala could not say how much the bill for whoopee was, but hookers in urban centers charge around six dollars.
"Whoa! [Huffa puffa!] Wow! That was the sexual experience of a lifetime!"
"That'll be six dollars, please."
"Ummm... I only have four..."
"MFatso! Hand me that big rock, wouldja?"
"No! Wait! I found another coupla bucks! It was in my sock!"

Police identified the dear departed as Mlumbo Chamvula and Osward Tembo, both 20 and hailing from Mzimba district.
"My name's Osward and this is my friend Mlumbo!"
"Hiya, big boyz!"
"We're from Mzimba district!"
"Do tell?"
"Wanna have some fun?"
"How much fun?"
"We got... ummm... six dollars and change."
"Apiece?"
"Uhuh."
"Bartender! Beer for everyone!"

The hookers, only identified as Flora and Mphatso,
I'll betcha MFatso ain't no slender belle...
are on the run and police said they were tracking them.
Posted by:Fred

#4  I notice they don't mention once who ratted out the hookers. That might be an important detail.
Posted by: Charles   2012-12-06 15:58  

#3  I seldom make this stuff up. Mphatso she was.
Posted by: Fred   2012-12-06 10:24  

#2  UN piecekeepers...
Posted by: Spot   2012-12-06 08:37  

#1  Did you forget a yellow highlight or was the hooker's name MFatso? Truth in advertising, I guess...
Posted by: Glenmore   2012-12-06 07:51  

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