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Tales from the Crossfire Gazette
[Bangla Daily Star] An alleged robber
This was written by no mere Bangladeshi reporter, but by a trained journalist. Somehow, one can tell.
was killed during a "shootout" between personnel and an armed gang in Maheshkhali of Cox's Bazar early yesterday.
Cox's Bazar is where the very coolest miscreants hang out.
Two Rab personnel -- Md Asaduzzaman, assistant superintendent of police and constable Tajul Islam -- were also injured in the hour-long shootout around 4:00am, said sources in Rab-7.
A hernia and a bruised ego...
No splinters? Pikers!
The law enforcers seized a double-barrel shotgun, two single-barrel guns, two other guns, seven cartridges, 12 used cartridges and four machetes from the spot, the sources said.
Alas, no shutter gun. Perhaps it's been sent back for reconditioning?
Deceased Abul Kashem, 32,
No alias for him so you know he's not important...
But he does have two names, which suggests someone once loved him.
was a member of the notorious gang "Kala Jahangir Bahini", claimed the sources.
Ahhh. One of the Bahinis. You'd think they'd have tired of still being outside the law after all these years. You would, of course, be wrong.
They said Rab personnel, led by its commanding officer Lt Col Saiful Karim,
Soon to be full Colonel Saiful Karim...
went on a drive at Kalur Bridge area following a tip off.
Another fifty-spot to Mahmoud the Weasel...
The man does have school fees to pay for a couple of grandnieces...
About 12 to 15 members of the gang were preparing for a robbery,
Where? In a banana grove? At the secret lair? Details, we want details!
said Lt Commander Nuruzzaman, Chandgaon camp commander of Rab-7.

Spider senses tingling at the proximity of the elite force,
"Hark! The spider sense! It tingles!"
the robbers fired 12 shots at the law enforcers
Missing completely...
and the Rab personnel retaliated with 81 shots, added the Rab personnel.
That's a lot of shots. Either the boys need more time at the range or they just had to make it look good...
I hear tell it's just plain fun to shoot guns. So that's another possibility.
Kashem was hit behind each ear as planned and, er, 'executed'...
and he was struck down in his prime, said squadron leader Nazmul Hossain, second-in-command of Rab-7, adding that the cohorts of Kashem managed to run away flee if they'd never been there...
leaving the arms and ammunition behind.
Carefully planted by the RAB-7...
No! It cannot be, and I am shocked, shocked! that you would bandy such a horrid accusation.
Nazmul said Kashem was bullet hit during another shootout with the elite force in 2011 in Maheshkhali.
I don't believe it -- he lived?
He said over 25 cases were filed against him with different cop shoppes of Cox's Bazar.
Wanted on a good many more than twelve systems, that one. Thanks be that the Rab got him properly this time.
Posted by:Fred

#7  Ship, please say it ain't so! Next you will tell me that the Easter Bunny is also fiction......
I need to lay down.
Posted by: USN,Ret.   2013-02-16 18:16  

#6  My friend, USN,Ret., the Shutter Gun is is naught but a construct, very much like the national debt. It is honored, but not feared.

/there, that oughta hold the little fuckers.
Posted by: Shipman   2013-02-16 15:04  

#5  I never fail to smile at stories that have happy endings, but sometimes, a little twist would be nice. Along the lines of the Red Shirted Trek crewman who somehow manages to not be dead.
But for now, the lack of employment of the Shutter Gun in this episode will have to suffice.
Posted by: USN,Ret.   2013-02-16 11:44  

#4  Manolo, order up a literary medal to be awarded to Mr. Shipman! Gold washed, on a red and blue ribbon, so that it clashes with whatever he is wearing. And an iced Perrier with lime for me -- I find myself parched.
Posted by: trailing wife   2013-02-16 10:04  

#3  A RAB colonel, an assistant superintendent of police and a constable walk into a bar...

The constable politely asks for and receives lemonade.

The Assistant Superintendent of Police asks for and receives a chilled tea.

The RAB Colonel has an ugly Flashback to the War of Liberation and kills everyone in the bar except the Assistant Superintendent of Police and The Constable, who then nod and say Purpa Bangla, 12 Systems, Upazila, Dr. Quincy.

More Tea?
Posted by: Shipman   2013-02-16 06:56  

#2  Stop me if you've heard this one:

A RAB colonel, an assistant superintendent of police and a constable go for a drive at 4am...
Posted by: mojo   2013-02-16 01:57  

#1  cop shoppes of Cox's Bazar

Sometimes phrases just write themselves.

Write like a gumshoe, Get Phred the NOW plug-in for Word Perfect 5.
Posted by: Shipman   2013-02-16 01:43