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-Lurid Crime Tales-
Mentally ill roundup plan after train pushes
2013-02-19
[NYPOST] The city is making a major push to sweep the streets of dangerous, mentally ill New Yorkers -- and has even compiled a most-wanted list, The Post has learned.
The city's most visible lunatics will now be locked away until the ACLU gets writs of habeas corpus. Less visible mentally ill will continue walking the city streets, speaking with invisible companions and shrieking at people who don't live in their world, which is most of us.
The measure follows a pair of high-profile subway-shove fatalities from December allegedly involving mentally ill individuals.
And attention span's stretched all the way from December to February? There can't be much more left remaining.
The city has already drawn up a list of 25 targets, sources said.
"Alright, McGonigle! Tell me why this particular 25 are the worst?"
"Well, chief, you see this guy, number 11? We had him, but he gnawed through the bars and flew away."

"After the Queens subway attack [of immigrant Sunando Sen], the [city] decided to take a proactive approach
Ahah. Yes. Proactive is good.
to track down the most dangerous mental-health patients that currently have mental-hygiene warrants" out for them, a law-enforcement source said.
"Mental hygiene warrants" are served by men in white coats driving around the city with butterfly nets close at hand.
Those warrants mean that the patients are not wanted for a crime but instead are being sought because they are not getting their court-ordered treatment.
"What kinda 'court-ordered treatment,' McGruder?"
"Y'see this guy, chief? They prescribed a nice canvas jacket with very long sleeves for him, along with some nice rubber padding for the walls of his room!"

There are a handful of cops assigned to the detail,
They're known as "the guys that drew the short straws"...
which began working in the past few weeks, the source said.
"Alright, team! Let's go catch loons!"
"You go first!"
"No, you go first!"

Cops in the NYPD's Real Time Crime Center are using high-tech methods to first track down the individuals,
"What kinda 'high-tech methods?'"
"We got this computer program that tracks paths of destruction, chief. All we gotta do is fire it up and it'll tell us which way the target's moving!"
"You can't call 'em 'targets,' McGregor! That implies yer gonna shoot 'em!"
"We are, chief! See, we got these dart guns with hypodermics in 'em. All we gotta do is pull the trigger [pffft!]... Oops. Sorry, chief."
[Swoon!]

and detectives on the street have been assigned to then go after them and take them to hospitals, law-enforcement sources said.
"'Scuse us, sir! We're from the NYPD... Grab him, McMurphy!"
"Aaaiiieee!"
"McMurphy! My Gawd! Look out for his... whatever those are!"

In the past, the city Department of Health would ask cops for help finding mentally ill people who aren't taking their court-mandated meds so they could be taken to clinics. But that only applied to those who had known addresses -- and patients who went off the grid were rarely pursued, the sources said.
Because once they're off the grid they're not dangerous anymore.
Posted by:Fred

#8  Sez the Bloomin' idiot hisself: "everybody in dis burg is nutz 'cept me and thee, and sometimes I wonder about thee".
Posted by: Rivrdog   2013-02-19 14:44  

#7  This won't cause any paranoia, of course.
Posted by: Muggsy Mussolini1226   2013-02-19 14:23  

#6  Mentally ill --- somebody incapable of grasping the true glory of the glorious leader?
Posted by: g(r)omgoru   2013-02-19 09:25  

#5  I have a mental picture of keystone cops meets wile e. coyote meets The RAB before this ends.
Posted by: USN,ret   2013-02-19 09:02  

#4  If they can find doctors for a Death Panel, they certainly can find shrinks for the Imminent Danger Panel to provide the fig leaf piece of paper to ward off the ACLU.
Posted by: Procopius2k   2013-02-19 08:58  

#3  The city's most visible lunatics will now be locked away

Will Bloomberg be considered?
Posted by: JohnQC   2013-02-19 08:39  

#2  Sounds like a government failing at the basics.
Posted by: Bright Pebbles   2013-02-19 07:40  

#1  Sounds like "Men in Black 4".
Posted by: Redneck Jim   2013-02-19 01:31  

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