#2 This just in - Facing Mass Layoffs, Taliban Protest US Sequester
QUETTA, PAKISTAN – As the United States rapidly approaches the deadline for sequestration, President Obama is getting support from an unlikely quarter: Taliban spiritual leader Mullah Muhammad Omar.
In a video released today, Taliban spokesman Zabibullah Mujahid read a statement from the group’s supreme leader: ”I, Mullah Muhammad Omar, Emir of the Taliban, Commander of the Boy Brigades, Custodian of the Holy Poppy Fields, Rocker of the Casbah, Sultan of Swing …”
After several minutes Zabibullah was able to read the actual contents of the statement, where the Taliban leader addressed what he referred to as the “dire consequences” if Congress fails to resolve the sequestration issue:
“Peace be upon you, American infidels. As you are aware, because of your inability to pass a simple budget, you are facing up to $40 billion in defense cuts for your fiscal year 2013,” Zabibullah read. “While we are totally fine with these cuts devastating your military and economy, there will also be some catastrophic consequences for us as well.”
“Half our budget comes from skimming off your operations in Afghanistan. Without hard American dollars, hundreds of Taliban fighters will be laid off over the coming year and forced onto the streets to beg like common women.”
Omar’s statement was rather apocalyptic at the consequences of the automatic budget cuts: ”With the money we have, we will barely be able to bribe members of the [Pakistani] Frontier Corps!”
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