A COUPLE'S dream wedding day was delayed after a man stormed into the church having just hacked his testicles off.| Ouch. Clearly the gentleman felt strongly about something. |
| Likely he wasn't trying to prove his true love to the bride... |
I dunno. It'd take more testicles than I ever had or ever will have to chop even one of them off.
Well, now he really doesn't have to balls to do it!
The vicar and florist were putting finishing touches to All Saints Church, in Hutton, east of London, ahead of the ceremony at the weekend,
| The pretty scene is set, foreshadowing a day brimming with love and hope, when suddenly... |
[Gasp!] [Stagger!]
"I'm here!"
"Ummm... You're sure this is the right place?"
A friend of the bride and groom, who did not wish to be named, turned up for the wedding at around 12.45pm to find a police car outside.
| "What's that? He couldn't wait?" |
He was told by the vicar that guests were not allowed to enter the church as a man had injured himself.
"A man had injured himself" sounds like the guy stubbed his toe or hit his thumb with a hammer.
The guest said the vicar told him "the man had chopped his testicles off with a pair of scissors and was going berserk, chucking chairs around. I'm surprised he didn't pass out.
I'm surprised the vicar didn't pass out. If it'd been me, I'd been stretched on the floor, in a land somewhere beyond the reach of smelling salts.
"When I went in the church, I saw something on the floor which I could only describe as flesh, which I thought was part of his arm but that was one of his testicles."
| Not quite the Rocky Mountain oysters promised on the luncheon menu... |
"'Ere, now! You can't go in there!"
"I'm with the wedding party!"
"Oh, okay... Raise the tape, Ernie!"
but the wedding went ahead soon after, with the bride none the wiser to the bizarre events.
| I don't know what to say. |
"Furniture polish, dear."
I know what to say: bridezilla
"There was a bit of an atmosphere," the witness said. "The bride didn't know anything about it, I'm sure she does now.
"He WHAT? 'Furniture polish,' you said!"
"Ummm... Olde English Red?"
"You lied to me, Wilbert!"
| "It won't be the last time, ducks." "What's that you said, Wilbert!!?!" "Um, nothing, nothing! Oh my word look at the clock. Time for the reception!" |
| I'm sure duct tape and a bottle of port also played a part. |