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| Olde Tyme Religion |
| Muslim suicide bombers are set to strike |
| 2014-02-02 |
| Author: Ranger Ron " May 25th, 2010, 10:59 am A bit dated, but still funny. Muslim suicide bombers in Britain are set to begin a three-day strike on Monday in a dispute over the number of virgins they are entitled to in the afterlife. Emergency talks with Al Qaeda have so far failed to produce an agreement. The unrest began last Tuesday when Al Qaeda announced that the number of virgins a suicide bomberwould receive after his death will be cut by 25% this May from 72 to only 54. The rationale for the cut was the increase in recent years of the number of suicide bombings and a subsequent shortage of virgins in the afterlife. The suicide bombers' union, the British Organization of Occupational Martyrs, (B.O.O.M.), responded with a statement that this was unacceptable to its members and immediately balloted for strike action. General Secretary Abdullah Amir told the press, "Our members are literally working themselves to death in the cause of Jihad. We don't ask for much in return but to be treated like this is like a kick in the teeth." Speaking from his shed in Tipton in the West Midlands in which he currently resides, Al Qaeda chief executive Osama bin Laden explained, "We sympathize with our workers' concerns but Al Qaeda is simply not in a position to meet their demands. They are not accepting the realities of modern-day Jihadin a competitive marketplace". "Thanks to Western depravity, there is now a chronic shortage of virgins in the afterlife. It's a straight choice between reducing expenditure and laying people off. I don't like cutting pension benefits, but I'd hate to have to tell 3,000 of my staff that they won't be able to blow themselves up." Spokespersons for the union in the Northeast of England, Ireland, Wales and the entire Australian continent stated that the strike would not affect their operations as "There are no virgins in our areas anyway". A strike may not be necessary, however, as the number of suicide bombings has been decreasing lately. This has been attributed to the emergence of the Scottish singing star, Susan Boyle. Now that Muslims know what a virgin looks like, they are not so keen on going to paradise. |
| Posted by:Uncle Phester |
| #4 Corny as hell, but still gives me a chuckle: The suicide bomber instructor sez to his students: "Watch carefully. I'm only going to do this once." |
| Posted by: Alaska Paul 2014-02-02 19:11 |
| #3 LOL BP, that ones got dinosaur pee on it. |
| Posted by: Shipman 2014-02-02 15:07 |
| #2 Set to strike? They're unionized? Want better health care coverage? Safer working conditions? |
| Posted by: Glenmore 2014-02-02 11:20 |
| #1 Q. Why wasn't Jesus' Birthday set in Wales? A. They couldn't find 3 wise men or a virgin. |
| Posted by: Bright Pebbles 2014-02-02 08:50 |