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| -Short Attention Span Theater- |
| Dicaprio Raped By Bear In Fox Movie |
| 2015-12-02 |
| [DRUDGEREPORT] Guy goes hunting for bear in Alaska. He's tip-toeing through the woods when he sees the biggest bear he's ever seen in his life. He draws a bead, lets out his breath, squeezes the trigger. And misses. Suddenly the bear's standing right in front of him, its claws raised! "You tried to shoot me!" sez the bear. "Ummm... You're a talking bear?" "And you're a dead guy... unless you drop trou and let me have my way with your tiny butt!" The guy's got a choice: Death, or the proverbial fate worse than death. He decides to go with "worse than," and the bear leaves him limping and dripping and sore twenty minutes later. The guy drags it back to his tent, where he applies soothing balm and liberal quantities of Preparation H. "Rat bastard bear!" he snarls. "No bear does that to me and gets away with it!" Next morning he's lying in wait when the bear comes down to the water hole. He draws his bead, lets out his breath, squeezes the trigger... And misses. "Hrarrr!" the bear snarls, brandishing nine inch claws. "You tried to kill me! I'm gonna disembowel youse with a single slash! Unless..." The guy drops his drawers, turns around, and endures another even more painful, even more humiliating session. The guy crawls back to his tent, whimpering, and sits in a tub of snow, which sizzles as his butt hits it. "Dirty rotten sonofabitchin' bear!" he snarls. "I'll kill him! I'll kill him!" Next morning he's lying in wait, not twenty yards from the water hole. He can't miss! The bear shows up, sniffs the air, and leans over to drink. The guy draws his bead, lets out his breath, squeezes the trigger... And misses. It's like a re-run of a nightmare! The bear rears up in front of him! His claws look like they've grown an inch or two overnight! He gives a throaty roar! And he sez: "You ain't here for the huntin', are you, sweetie?" |
| Posted by:Fred |
| #14 I hope the bear got tested. |
| Posted by: Varmint Clunk9643 2015-12-02 20:48 |
| #13 Nope, we lose the bundle cause in Hollyweird bookkeeping they get a tax write off. Time to end Hollyweird welfare! |
| Posted by: Procopius2k 2015-12-02 20:28 |
| #12 "Dicaprio Raped By Bear In Fox Movie" "Dicaprio" and "movie" - a guarantee I won't be watching it. Hope the twits lose a bundle. |
| Posted by: Barbara 2015-12-02 16:21 |
| #11 #5 Hollywood is really pushing this gay thing Gay, nude (except chaps), shrieking, "Wheee... Hey Mom, they keep looking at me! Oh, please make them stop it!" "Of course I will, poppet! They think it's the Land of the Free?" |
| Posted by: Zenobia Floger6220 2015-12-02 14:54 |
| #10 Was going for something snarky, then remembered: Language Warning |
| Posted by: swksvolFF 2015-12-02 12:14 |
| #9 Since bear is a term for a hairy homosexual man I can only think this is a strange metaphor or something. I think Fred nailed it. |
| Posted by: rjschwarz 2015-12-02 11:13 |
| #8 The bear is loose. |
| Posted by: swksvolFF 2015-12-02 10:44 |
| #7 Poor Bear! Did it ever recover? This is definately going to make PETA very upset. |
| Posted by: CrazyFool 2015-12-02 10:34 |
| #6 |
| Posted by: Skidmark 2015-12-02 09:08 |
| #5 Hollywood is really pushing this gay thing aren't they? |
| Posted by: jvalentour 2015-12-02 08:43 |
| #4 So it went beyond hugs ? |
| Posted by: Besoeker 2015-12-02 08:02 |
| #3 'Bears' are an often under-represented social/sexual strata of the emergent many layered LGBT consensual beta-male identity. I suppose there are 'she-bears' as well, the concept of which also may require a Drano eyewash/brainwipe. |
| Posted by: Skidmark 2015-12-02 08:00 |
| #2 Just another Hollywood "blockbuster" that I'll miss. And this one will most likely be a bust as well. |
| Posted by: DarthVader 2015-12-02 07:13 |
| #1 Fred is definitely recovering, so we have to be grateful. |
| Posted by: trailing wife 2015-12-02 01:24 |