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| How to Talk to Your Teen About Colluding With Russia |
| 2017-07-27 |
| [McSweeney's] Even the best-behaved teen is likely to encounter a situation where he or she is tempted to collude with Russia. Unfortunately for parents, a teen’s natural tendency to test the limits of independence can often manifest itself in his or her exchanging sensitive information with Russian emissaries for material or other rewards. If not constructively addressed during adolescence, colluding with Russia can have much more serious consequences in adulthood. Here are a few tips for engaging in a healthy conversation with your teen about the hazards of colluding with Russia: Keep the Lines of Dialogue Open Don’t be shy about asking your teen where she has been, who she has spent time with, or why she has receipts from Cypriot bank wire transfers hidden under a false bottom of her jewelry case. If you discover a folder marked "parental Kompromat" try to stay focused and not act emotional. Think about her point of view and why she would consider it important to have your social security number, Gmail password, and Pornhub search history in a secret folder. Take advantage of these "teachable moments" to have meaningful discussions about colluding with Russia with your teen. Explain the Negative Consequences of Colluding With Russia When talking to your teen about colluding with Russia honesty is the best policy. You shouldn’t shy away from mentioning that a Federal indictment could turn into an awkward blemish on a college application, or that retributive Polonium poisoning could likely hamper one’s ability to compete for a coveted lacrosse scholarship. Remind them also that sharing their behavior on social media is never a good idea. Posting a selfie with a Russian aluminum magnate or "checking in" to a Kremlin safe house can have ramifications that are difficult to erase later on. Understand Your Teen Will Likely Experiment at Some Point Parents must be realistic and remember that despite their best efforts their teen will try colluding with Russia at a party, in their friend’s basement, or even in a hotel room after the prom. Your teen should understand that if he has been out late colluding with Russia he should never, under any circumstances, get in a car -- especially a nondescript windowless van with diplomatic license plates. He should understand that you will come get him and give him a ride home no questions asked! Saying No to Peer Pressure If other teens in your child’s peer group are colluding with Russia, then she is likely to feel pressured to follow suit in order to fit in. For example if she goes to a mall and sees one of her friends stuff a thumb drive up under the paper towel dispenser in the restroom, she will no doubt feel a curious exhilaration and a compulsion to emulate such behavior. Similarly, teens may also be influenced into colluding with Russia by movies, TV shows, or current events that depict colluding with Russia as "cool," "fun," or even a little dangerous. You should actively assist your teen by praising their good behaviors and accomplishments, which can help passively discourage transgressive forays such as offering to launder money through a complex array of shell companies or cash real estate purchases. Remember, any effort you make now to address your teen’s colluding with Russia is like an investment in their future. The last thing any parent wants is for the behavior to carry into adulthood when it can seriously hurt the parent as well as the child! |
| Posted by:Beavis |
| #16 It's worse than that, Grom, my Dad even travelled to the Soviet Union a couple times. (Although he said he didn't land or anything). |
| Posted by: Thing From Snowy Mountain 2017-07-27 22:24 |
| #15 I was born in Soviet Union and was a member of communist youth OK, as long as you are not a closet Gulenist. |
| Posted by: SteveS 2017-07-27 17:25 |
| #14 Are you kidding?! Even the old KGB didn't mess with California Zen Marxism! |
| Posted by: g(r)omgoru 2017-07-27 15:56 |
| #13 Naw. My kids are all outta school. Now, if you could somehow fix the Kalipr0nia state franchise tax board I'd be grateful. |
| Posted by: Abu Uluque 2017-07-27 15:44 |
| #12 Yes, grom, but what are we getting for it? Wanna be the head of your local PTA? |
| Posted by: g(r)omgoru 2017-07-27 13:54 |
| #11 Raj, I think the joke is that Colluding with Russia= anything bad. It's the fascist of the new generation. |
| Posted by: rjschwarz 2017-07-27 13:44 |
| #10 ...enlightenment? |
| Posted by: Procopius2k 2017-07-27 11:06 |
| #9 Yes, grom, but what are we getting for it? |
| Posted by: Abu Uluque 2017-07-27 10:59 |
| #8 Exactly! |
| Posted by: g(r)omgoru 2017-07-27 10:09 |
| #7 So, the lot of you are already compromised beyond redemption. Ya mean we're all unredeemables (and deplorable)? |
| Posted by: JohnQC 2017-07-27 10:00 |
| #6 Yeah, like your average teenager gives a rip about politics. |
| Posted by: Raj 2017-07-27 09:43 |
| #5 Just for your information 'Burgers: I was born in Soviet Union and was a member of communist youth (obligatory) till the age of 13. So, the lot of you are already compromised beyond redemption. |
| Posted by: g(r)omgoru 2017-07-27 09:09 |
| #4 How to Talk to Your Teen About Colluding With Nah, where's the graft in that? |
| Posted by: Procopius2k 2017-07-27 09:00 |
| #3 This latest bunch of lefty apparatchik accusers see Russian collusion everywhere except the mirror. If Reagan were POTUS today, he would be accused of collusion with Gorbachev. |
| Posted by: JohnQC 2017-07-27 08:36 |
| #2 Let's see.. when I worked for a major electronic company I shared a patent with the man who designed and built the woodpecker radar (that used the Chernobyl reactors) before he defected and ended up here. Before that I had an ex-Soviet Russian designing a test tool for me. In college my favorite Comp Engr professor was a defector from the U of Kiev. We couldn't have designed our first digital cellular products as easily as we did without a bunch of ex-KGB and GRU programmers looking for work. (they were a million times better programmers than the H1B visa folks) Oh and for divisional strategy in the corporate battles our division had an ex-kgb chief from one of the 'stans. So I see the collusion these pols talk about and laugh.. BTW one of the best ex-soviet products that the US biz grabbed was TRIZ. (google it) |
| Posted by: 3dc 2017-07-27 01:11 |
| #1 I recommend anti-collusion underwear; with strong locks. |
| Posted by: Hupaith Bucket3695 2017-07-27 00:51 |