[DailyMail] At 48, Jane Townsend is beautiful, independent — and single. She keeps fit, takes great care of her appearance and is looking for a man who is active, in good shape, articulate and emotionally open.As I have said in the past elsewhere, the men who are "active, in good shape, articulate and emotionally open" already have boyfriends.
Given her good looks and vivacious nature, eligible suitors must surely be beating a path to her door.
Yet as Jane, from Sheffield, explains, it has been a struggle: ‘The men out there are delusional. I went out with a guy who lied about his age, saying he was 47 when he was 50, who then had the gall to tell me he wanted a younger woman so he, as he put it, “could breed”.
Agree with his motives or not, the man was simply being honest. Obviously something Jane wouldn't understand.
'After my divorce, I gave up my prime dating years to raise my two girls, expecting that when they left home, I’d have time left. But there has been a shift and now the men aren’t there. Where I live it’s hard to find someone cultured unless they’re eating yogurt, and the men my age all seem to be — well — more than a little overweight.’
Having been matchmaking single men and women for Femail’s Blind Date column for the past six months, I’d like to say Jane’s experiences are the exception, — but what has struck me is just how many attractive women apply who seem to have so much going for them.
They are in great physical shape, living full and interesting lives. Yet finding suitable men for them to date seems to be a heroic challenge.
This has left me wondering why a generation of single, sexy, solvent women just can’t find love. What immediately strikes female mid‑life daters — of whom I am one — returning to the dating scene in later life after a marriage or long-term relationship, is the lack of single men.
According to Jo Hemmings, a behavioural psychologist and dating coach, there are an estimated seven new women for every man on the dating scene in the 40-55 age group, so availability is clearly a big issue.
My guess is that the other six have better figured out that in relationships, nothing ever gets returned. You invest time and personal resources, and the only thing waiting on the horizon is more investment of time and personal resources.
‘I’ve had clients coming to me wondering: “Am I asking too much to find an attractive, independent, solvent guy of my age?” ’ she says.
As she explains, part of the issue is that when divorce strikes, men and women react in different ways.
Men’s relationships frequently overlap; they won’t leave one partner until they find another, so they are never really single.
By contrast, women take longer to recover from a break-up. They often step out of the dating ring completely, sometimes for many years, to rebuild their lives or to focus on bringing up children.
‘When they return to dating, it’s really hard for them,’ says Jo. ‘There aren’t as many men because they have a wider pool. Men realise quite quickly that there are far fewer of them than there are women of a similar age. They then date much younger women, creating a huge void in the market.
‘Traditionally women go for men who are their age or slightly older, so they are left wondering where all the men have gone.’
Fishing
When Jo coaches women on dating, she tells them to accept the reality. ‘It’s just a fact that there is a lack of available decent men,’ she says.
‘It’s tough when you’re looking for love. You have to realise that it’s not about you, it’s just a numbers game.’
Maf is hard.
But the numbers don’t tell the whole story. Men, indoctrinated over generations to pursue younger women, are instinctively reluctant to consider those of a similar age to their own, even ones who look youthful and attractive.
It is something I regularly notice when I set up dates.
Men need to open their eyes to the amazing women in their own age bracket.
When an expert tells you you "need" to do something, that is a clear sign you don't "need" to do anything.
More at the link