A pedophile has been left with "life-altering" injuries after climbing through the bedroom window of two young children, only to be greeted by their pet bulldog who bit his doinker off.I'm not familiar with the source, and Googs describes it as "far right," and Snopes sez the story's false, but they do have an x-ray of a dog with about an eight inch baloney inside it, so it must be true.
52-year-old Randle James of Saline County, Arkansas, climbed into the 1st-floor window of the small family home into the room where the two young sisters were sleeping after passing by and seeing the open window.
"Ahah! A toddler and a first grader! I think I'll give 'em a good molestation!"
After climbing into the room of the 3 and 6-year-old sisters, James got more than he bargained for when family’s Pitt Pull Terrier leaped to the girl’s defense. The dog severed the rapist’s genitals clean off and swallowed his penis and testicles.
"Argh! My crank! My Bells of Saint Mary's!"The commotion alerted the children’s parents
"Hey! Whut's all thet there screamin'?” he said in Arkansawanese...
who called emergency services.
"Howdy! Is that there Ee-mergency services?"
"Anybody here speak Arkansawanese?"
According to the father of the children, after calling the police, the attacker was in so much pain that he didn’t attempt to make an escape.
"Owww... My doinker! My doinker! Where'd it go?"
James was rushed to the hospital where doctors treated his wounds but said they were unable to rescue his genitalia after it had been swallowed by the pet bulldog.
"Doctor Casy! I have an idea!"
"What's that, Doctor Kildare?"
"We shave the tip of the doggy's tail and sew that onto where the winkie used to be!"
"Ummm... Better ask Nurse Ratchett about that one. I don't think most women wanta be greeted by a snarling pit bull when a man takes his pants off."
Hospital staff said they were able to "patch him up," and while he lost a lot of blood and was clearly in a lot of pain, he would survive.
"Pain! I'm in so much pain!"
"Have an aspirin, Casanova."
| Aspirin makes the blood flow more freely. Better take a Tylenol instead. |
"I mean, how do you go through life without peeing?"
"I bet it really cheeses off that pit bull hangin' between his legs!"
"The family, who can’t be named, said they are just thankful their dog was there to protect the maiden of tender yearss from the attacker.The mother of the girls said: "He’s our hero. He’ll be eating steak for a week now."
"Hi, mister! We stopped by to play with our doggy!"
"No! Not again! Don't...!"
"Fetch, Rover! [THROW!]"
"Aaaiiieee!"