There I wuz, looking over the list of Publican presidential hopefuls. There were seventeen of them. Jeb! was one of them. Lindsey Graham was one. Carly Fiorina was one. Whatsisname, the governor of Ohio, who used to be a Publican, was one. Successful governors like Scott Walker and Rick Perry were there. There was a brain surgeon, fergoodnessake. They couldn't fit them all at one table. They had to argue in shifts.Trump, we were informed, had no chance, zip. He was a clown, way out of his league. He was doing it all for publicity. He mercilessly ripped his opponents apart or scared them off, one by one.
He won.
Then he went up against the Clinton machine, which was the political equivalent of going up against Guderian's divisions. Hollywood came out in a grease-painted and condescending crowd against him. His name was redone as Literally D.T. Hitler. He was racist, sexist, misogynist, he didn't wash behind his ears, he had little hands, wore a wig, he was orange, and his feet stank.
Hillarity had a monotone speaking style, that would end in kind of a querulous yell on the last three words (listen to one of her speeches if you don't believe me). Literally D.T. has a sense of humor. He was gonna Make America Great Again.
He told jokes. He made wisecracks. He needled his opponent to keep her off balance (look at the pictures of her falling, fainting, or staggering!) He told his audiences they were great, wonderful, unbelievable. We (not he) were gonna do great things together. Hillarity described his audience as Deplorables, which title they adopted, to The Donald's glee. The Dems sent goon squads to his rallies, trying to start riots. The press dismissed Trump and his Deplorables as nothing but uneducated (gasp!) White People®. He walked all over Hillarity in each debate. He ended one of them by promising to see her behind bars.
Yep. He won.
He was inaugurated. Within minutes (it may actually have been before the inauguration, I'm not sure) there were calls for his impeachment. He fixed the Obama economy, seemingly within twenty four hours. Dems howled at the moon and sicced Antifa on an unsympathetic nation. He signed executive orders repealing B.O.'s executive orders. He upended fixtures like NAFTA and the TTP. The Dems pushed for an Independent Counsel because there was no way he could have won without Russian collusion to hack the voting machines and to publicize the shady dealings of the Hillarity campaign, the DNC, the Clinton Foundation, Debbie Wasserman Schultz, and the whole damned crowd. Some dumbass (I think it was in the NY Times) wrote an op ed about how once Literally D.T. was impeached, through an improbable series of circumstances the nation and the world could have Hillarity as Madame President.
November 4th came and went last year without Antifa rising in its wrath and deposing Trump. Trump put Scott Pruitt in to rein in the EPA. The Dems tore down statues of Confederate generals and called for Stone Mountain, Georgia, to be sand blasted. The unemployment rate -- across the board, white, black, Latino, and Athabaskan -- dropped to its lowest point since the last Whig administration. The Dems accuse Trump of ripping four-year-olds from their mothers' arms and eating them on the spot.
A volcano erupted in Hawaii and that's Trump's fault too. NASA's making plans in case we're threatened by falling asteroids instead of prioritizing Moslem outreach. Mobs of Democrats chase down Publicans and holler at them when they're trying to eat enchiladas.
Maybe it's just me, but I think I can understand why Trump has a senzayuma. Without it, he'd be overwhelmed.