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| -Signs, Portents, and the Weather- |
| Death Penalty Still Permissible For People Who Drive Slowly In The Left Lane, Pope Francis Clarifies |
| 2018-08-10 |
| [Babylon Bee - it's satire] VATICAN CITY‐Following his recent announcement that the Catholic Church no longer supports the use of the death penalty, Pope Francis clarified that it may still be applied to slow left-lane drivers. "It almost goes without saying," the leader of the Church commented. Whereas prior Church teaching allowed the death penalty in certain cases, the Catechism now teaches that the punishment is always impermissible. "Except," said a Vatican spokesman, "for those reprobate souls who just hang out in the left lane as if nobody else has anywhere to be." The decision has angered some conservative Catholics, who favor applying the death penalty in wider circumstances. "What about that guy who brings his guitar to a party and totally ruins everyone's good time?" one traditional Catholic asked. "Or those people who insist on making small talk while in line at the grocery store?" It is unknown whether Pope Francis will also call for the death penalty for people who wake the whole neighborhood up mowing their lawns at 8 a.m. on a Saturday morning, but sources close to the Pontiff state he's leaning toward the affirmative. |
| Posted by:Frank G |
| #7 As Stalin once said, "How many horses does the popemobile have?" |
| Posted by: Glirt Dingle2497 2018-08-10 15:33 |
| #6 I should have said 1st in a long time. |
| Posted by: JohnQC 2018-08-10 10:06 |
| #5 The Catechism now teaches that the punishment is always impermissible. I guess Tennessee didn't get the memo as they carried out their first execution last night. Hadn't done this in many years. A child murderer. |
| Posted by: JohnQC 2018-08-10 09:55 |
| #4 The Pope is my kind of anti-hero. Hope he keeps up the good work! |
| Posted by: jpal 2018-08-10 09:49 |
| #3 Better to employ the Kyle Busch solution. |
| Posted by: Raj 2018-08-10 00:42 |
| #2 In a popemobile. |
| Posted by: newc 2018-08-10 00:36 |
| #1 I feel Pretty! In actuality, when they gang up on your ass end, You can sure expect a butt raping by the idiot in MY PASSING LANE, driving with an Iphone in their hand. Never impede traffic. Not in MY lane, and also as this is satire, remember that most accidents happen from behind. Also, that idiot pope is re-writing the Bible as he drives in the Left lane. With his communist bullshit. |
| Posted by: newc 2018-08-10 00:35 |