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| De-Extincting The Wooly Mammoth - A Mammoth Mistake |
| 2015-04-26 |
| Who needs a woolly mammoth? I ask this question because scientists with apparently nothing better to do are attempting to bring back the beast, which went extinct some 4,000 years ago, and thank God for that. The woolly creature's DNA has been sequenced, and things appear ripe for what is called "mammoth de-extinction." The Post's story about all this calls it a "small but ambitious field." I hope it is more the former than the latter. Why these scientists are not working in the larger and even more ambitious field of, say, cancer research is beyond me. Why anyone could choose to fund "mammoth de-extinction" instead of, say, a Little League team, is also beyond me. (Many things are beyond me.) I fear, though, that mammoths will be coming back. When that happens, a whole lot of very nice people will say that the creatures were here first and we should make way for them. They will be likened to wolves and bears and, of course, deer and they will be pronounced indigenous -- which is another word for virtuous. So, for instance, if a wolf kills a sheep, it is the sheep's fault for being a sheep and not native to the region. We all know this. In due course, we will be overrun by woolly mammoths. Like deer, they will be protected. They will tromp across our lawns and into our shrubbery, eating huge amounts of stuff -- whole trees and automobiles (even Cadillac Escalades) and maybe the occasional cottage. Anti-mammoth sprays will be developed, but they, of course, will not work. Eccentric people will appear on daytime TV shows with all sorts of smelly concoctions to ward off woolly mammoths. They will be cheered on by Oprah and interviewed on the "Today" show, maybe out on the plaza. This, too, is beyond me. Home Depot and others will sell mammoth fences. These will truly be mammoth and will be based on the fence that separates the United States from Mexico. Of course, the mammoth fence will work no better than the other fence, but that will be discovered only after several billion dollars are spent. Then someone will get the bright idea to de-extinct the Neanderthal as the only way to control the woolly mammoth population. These rather hairy and well-muscled individuals will be provided with spears (also Club for Growth memberships) and sent out at night to hunt the woolly mammoth. (A "60 Minutes" crew will accompany them, and Bill O'Reilly will lie about accompanying the "60 Minutes" crew.) None of this is necessary. If scientists with time on their hands want to de-extinct something, why not bring back the unicorn -- surely it once existed -- or the fire-breathing dragon, which would delight kids? Or, better yet, why don't they develop a single remote control for the TV? Just askin'. |
| Posted by:gorb |
| #15 'Ell if I know Reference genius! :-) |
| Posted by: gorb 2015-04-26 23:31 |
| #14 Fauna or Flora [tasty food crops], IT HAS TO SURVIVE WHAT EVER THE SUN = CHANGES IN SOLAR ACTIVITIES, INTENSIFYING GWCC, ETC. INCLUD "MINI-ICE-AGE" THROWS AT IT. Otherwise, don't waste our time + $$$ on bringing it or "them" back. ITS BAD ENUFF ALREADY MANY POLITICOS ARE TRYING HARD N-O-T TO LINK GWCC TO ANY SOLAR/SUN CHANGES. Only confusing us to hell, fooling nobody, + unnecessarily diverting precious scarce resources from dev SpaceTechs that will help Mankind survive the future. |
| Posted by: JosephMendiola 2015-04-26 21:37 |
| #13 Our asinine dinos are hell-bent To market their mammoth repellent. 'Ell if I know what's in it -- RINO pee from the Senate? -- But Boehner provides the propellant. |
| Posted by: Zenobia Floger6220 2015-04-26 18:16 |
| #12 WP. Same difference, Iblis. |
| Posted by: Skidmark 2015-04-26 18:11 |
| #11 Is this The Onion? |
| Posted by: Iblis 2015-04-26 17:09 |
| #10 RIBS! |
| Posted by: 3dc 2015-04-26 13:06 |
| #9 I, for one, will welcome our mammoth overlords. |
| Posted by: Pappy 2015-04-26 13:00 |
| #8 I won't wear Mammoth wool! Neither should you. |
| Posted by: Besoeker 2015-04-26 11:56 |
| #7 I think the BBQ'd ribs would be special. Al |
| Posted by: frozen al 2015-04-26 11:45 |
| #6 i can't wait for unicorns. that'll be a wonderful day. they should only use lipizaners to make them so they are only white, grey or black. Sure you'll love a woolly mammoth or 3. They should create a small herd as it's cruel to make just one. It would be lonely. Cancer research - we need cancer. It's not a bad way to die when you're old. I hope I get it. At least you get morphine and some warning, it's a lot better than sudden death. |
| Posted by: anon1 2015-04-26 11:16 |
| #5 "a whole lot of very nice people" Wrong about the "nice," and I wouldn't call these eliminationist idiots "people," either. |
| Posted by: Barbara 2015-04-26 10:25 |
| #4 The issue is, will they reliably vote Democratic? |
| Posted by: Matt 2015-04-26 09:27 |
| #3 Because they taste like pork, but are kosher. |
| Posted by: g(r)omgoru 2015-04-26 08:48 |
| #2 Who needs a woolly mammoth? We all do. It'll end the Endangered Species Act, thus ending the stifling of real progress by the Luddites. No species can go extinct. |
| Posted by: Procopius2k 2015-04-26 08:30 |
| #1 No, he has it all wrong. Humans evolved in parallel with the mammoth, and found them very tasty. Probably the most tasty food ever. I say "Get of your lazy tails you scientists, and bring me a Mammoth burger, with all the trimmin's". Now thats what I call a paleo diet! |
| Posted by: Bunyip 2015-04-26 07:01 |