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2007-09-25 -Short Attention Span Theater-

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Posted by Mike 2007-09-25 05:55|| || Front Page|| [3 views ] Top

#1 Here's what I came up with:

To Whom It May Annoy,

I am writing today to express my utter OUTRAGE over the fact that Nutjob dared to utter the dreaded I-Word.

You see, I am inordinately proud of my religion and why shouldn't I be? It took incredible skill and hard work on my part to be conceived not to mention all the determination it took me to master breathing. That's why pride in my birth place constitutes my entire one-dimensional identity and for that I deserve automatic and constant exemption from life's annoyances.

Now, I'm a supporter of free speech and all, but when it isn't gushingly positive about people superficially similar to me, then it's time for riots!

Furthermore, as a member of the esteemed National Association of the One-And-Only True God, it is my pleasure to remind you that only WE are allowed to use the N-Word as a proud expression of our empowerment.

You know, growing up Jedi in my overly tolerant hippie commune, it didn't take long to realize that the problem with today's world is that people who are different from me are too criminally self-absorbed to fixate entirely on MY visceral dislike of them. And that's why when Nutjob used the I-Word, I felt I'd been personally appointed judge & jury, and as such hereby formally demand their public exectution.

Yours Sincerely,

gorb

PS: I won't be surprised if you ignore me. That's just the kind of treatment I'd expect from a typical dumb raghead like YOU!

Posted by gorb 2007-09-25 06:31|| 2007-09-25 06:31|| Front Page Top

#2 Hey!

Posted by Zenster">Zenster 2007-09-25 08:57|| 2007-09-25 08:57|| Front Page Top

#3 To Whom It May Intimidate,

I am writing today to shriek my utter PISS-IGNORANT FURY over the fact that Bush dared to momentarily think the dreaded U-Word.

You see, I am inordinately proud of my skin color and why shouldn't I be? It took incredible skill and hard work on my part to slither out of a vagina not to mention all the determination it took me to master extruding poopy. That's why pride in my skin color constitutes my entire one-dimensional identity and for that I deserve automatic and constant exemption from life's annoyances.

Now, I'm a supporter of free speech and all, but when it isn't gushingly positive about people to whom I condescend for cheap political points, then it's time for mass media crucifixion!

Furthermore, as a vocal pawn of the esteemed Transdimentional Coalition of the Ancestrally Fixated, it is my duty to remind you that only WE are allowed to use the U-Word as a proud expression of our hypocrisy.

You know, growing up Rastafarian in my homogenous hippie commune, it didn't take long to realize that the problem with today's world is that people who are different from me are too criminally self-absorbed to fixate entirely on MY dead relatives. And that's why when Bush used the U-Word, I felt I'd been personally smacked, and as such hereby formally demand their public exectution.

Yours Ultra-Dogmatically,

DarthVader

PS: I won't be surprised if you ignore me. That's just the kind of treatment I'd expect from a typical snotty oreo cookie like YOU!

Posted by DarthVader">DarthVader 2007-09-25 10:49|| 2007-09-25 10:49|| Front Page Top

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