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2002-09-04
Chris Johnson, at Midwest Conservative Fiskatorium Journal, addresses the latest utterances from Stalinists with Pulpits the World Council of Churches. The results are masterful, and if they paid any attention to what real people thought of them they'd go out of business. But they won't, because they'd have to find real jobs, and they don't think they'd look good in paper hats.
Before you go, take time for a quick lesson in Liberal expressions.

"Liberal", with apologies to Dr Weevil, comes from the proto-Hittite word liberawu, meaning "would you like some of this guy's money?" (I am not aware of any evidence that this is indeed the case, but a complete investigation might discover it to be so.) Liberals are only allowed to have four facial expressions:
  • Benevolence: Reserved for handing out checks and sometimes for asking for donations. Smile. You're on camera.
  • Indignation: Used when discussing war, the environment, lead paint, Republicans, the oil industry, the pharmaceuticals industry, strip mining, the Boy Scouts, pizza deliveries to bad neighborhoods... Lower your brow and pull your lips back to show as many molars as you can.
  • Concern: Used when discussing war, the environment, etc., as above, but with the addition of The Children™. To be concerned, furrow your brow, keep your lips together and stare either to one side or at your belly button.
  • Alarm: Raise your eyebrows, form your mouth into an "O", form a fist with one hand, and bite down on a knuckle.
Got all that? Don't forget to apply your expressions as you read... Oh, and one other thing: be careful not to bump into anything or listen to anything, uh... illiberal; you'll bruise. Liberals are very sensitive, y'know?
Posted by:Fred Pruitt

#7  Well, I liked the bit about the four facial expressions, so we'll let the whole piece pass. And I'd like to think that I could constructively oppose the Iraq enterprise (as it is, I'm on the fence), keep my liberal nametag, AND support a Palestinian state without dropping support for the whole war on terrorism or against Islamofascism and supporting Israel AND not lose my bona fides regarding sensibility in the process.

It's a tall stack of china and the kitchen is so, so near ...
Posted by: Dan Hartung   2002-09-04 22:03:12  

#6  Allow me an occasional moment of liberal bashing, please! I go day after day, day in and day out, bashing Islamists and their kindred Master Racists. I've taken an occasional break to make faces at the Federal Bureau of Ineptitude, the Antiglobalist Anarchokiddies, Pashtuns, Hindu Brownshirts, the Pak coppers, Perv, Pak preachers, Soddy princes, preachers, and crazed killers, mullahs, ayatollahs, and other potentates, Advani, Vajpayee, multiculturalists, Nazis, Il Duce, commies, various other governments, and, of course, most of the continent of Europe. I think I've even managed a thump at Canada a time or two. Why should liberals get off the hook? I take pride in being an Equal Opportunity Basher.

I might add that I'm Concerned™ that anyone would think otherwise. I might even say I'm Alarmed™ at the implications, should such an idea get around. I hope this doesn't have a Chilling Effect™ on the Free Exchange of Information™.
Posted by: Fred   2002-09-04 19:06:24  

#5  Oh, R. Simon, Libs are alive and well, they just take different names like Greenies, TransProgs, Clintonistas, etc.
In the post 9/11 context and especially here in the (war)blogosphere, we primarily concern ourselves with that curious Liberal peacenik animal, the Idiotarian.
See Charles Johson and Little Green Footballs for more details.

Fred, don't change a thing! You rock!
Posted by: Jennie Taliaferro   2002-09-04 16:54:03  

#4  R. Simon,

I disagree. 9/11 was no magic wand to cure idiocy. Sure there are liberals who support intervention in Iraq. Even before 9/11 it was a truism that individual persons don't fit perfectly into any one mold.

Clearly the attack here is on the mold. If you don't fit into it, good.
Posted by: Wilde   2002-09-04 16:45:44  

#3  yeah, right R. Simon...there are SO MANY liberals supporting the war on terrorism and expressing support for the Israelis as well as the "intervention" in Iraq...and most conservatives want to look for the root causes of why they hate us...and pigs can fly? Behind all liberal/conservative "dichotomy" is some history of reading the WCC et al saying some incredibly stupid things. Keep up the fine work Fred
Posted by: Fgaines   2002-09-04 16:42:22  

#2  Fred, get off the Liberal bashing. The Liberal/Conservative dichotomy died with a lot of other things on 9/11. Many old liberals favor intervention in Iraq. Many old conservatives don't. And so on. Look at this specific person, not the tired old rhetoric. Otherwise you've got a great site. Stop fighting yesterday's wars.
Posted by: R. Simon   2002-09-04 15:55:34  

#1  "Support" was probably too strong for my position, at least given its usual interpretation. I support their right to exist within the pre-1967 borders. And to my mind, US connections to Israel, at the highest political levels, are much stronger than any Italian or Greek immigrants. That might change if the surrounding region goes signicantly more democratic, or at least less threatening.
Posted by: Dan Hartung   2002-09-05 09:28:12  

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