Now that even hard core Republicans realize that Bush lied about the reasons for going to war with Iraq, Bush is grasping at the proverbial drowning man's straws in looking for the moral high ground as an excuse for mass murder. It's like he is trying to juggle three tennis balls, two rackets and a bowling ball as he stumbles head first down the darkened stairs into the basement.

Even hard core Republicans (and probably many Dems as well) have come to no such conclusion. To most of us here, the U.S. had the "moral high ground" in the war on Iraq. Bush committed no mass murders — in fact went out of his way to be easy on the Iraqis. Civilian casualties were extraordinarily low, as in fact were Iraqi military casualties. The mass graves, the casual videotaped sadism of the Baathists, and the kiddy jail negate your arguments. Better try and find a new schtick to beat the Bushes with...

Poor guy. Pathetic, really. Looks like he's trying hard though.

The same sort of people said Lincoln was stupid and not up to the job...

Now that we have it finally all straightened out that we invaded Iraq because Saddam Hussein was a bad guy and that nothing else really mattered, Bush must show the world that he is a man of his word and a consistent one at that (Come on, I can hear your snickering about a "consistent liar", but bear with me and let's give the guy the benefit of the doubt for a moment... again.)

I didn't snicker. Are you denying Saddam was a bad guy? Do you miss him?

It's time for Bush to take his place as the greatest American president in history to bomb more people into freedom and democracy. And in order to show that the US will not tolerate tyrants, our next target is the evil Charles Taylor of Liberia. Just like Saddam, Bush wants him out. Never mind that Charles Taylor is the duly elected president of Liberia, so what if the election was a sham? How about Florida in 2000?

Chuck was "duly elected" after about ten years of vicious civil war, part of it against the government, then against Prince Johnson. He's a crook, and he's a sadist in the same league as Saddam. He's been trying to extend his little empire ever since grabbing power, which has resulted in death and destruction (and lots of maiming) for his neighbors, most of whom were previously peaceful and even moderately prosperous countries — kind of like Liberia once was, before Chuck's prototype, Sergeant Doe. And how about Florida in 2000? Seems like Mike's really sore the Dems didn't get to keep recounting and recounting until they could finally steal the election. You can bitch all you want that he was "selected not elected," but what you're really bitching about is that he was selected and not your boy. "Bomb more people into freedom and democracy"? Do we have plans to bomb Liberia? We haven't heard about them here. On the other hand, the Liberians seem a lot more eager for us to come in than we are to go in. Liberia's a country that was founded by American blacks almost 200 years ago. Its flag is a replica of our own — one star instead of 50 — and its constitution used to be a replica of our own; I don't know if it still is. The place was an oligarchic democracy up until Sgt. Doe took over and made it a bloody-handed but incompetent dictatorship. Liberia still looks to us as the Mother Country, even though we've never ruled it and our relations with it throughout its fairly long history have been more polite than close.

Bush has said Taylor's gotta go. "This town ain't big enuff for the both of us." And George Bush said it so he's not the kind of drug store cowboy to turn on his word; just like with Saddam in Iraq, Bush said, "The only way to avoid war is exile." But that leaves us with the same problem as before the Iraq war: "What sane government would offer exile for that lunatic Bush?"

Mike is trying to be witty here and makes it... ummm... half way. He manages to get the cowboy taunt in, but he screws it up by calling him a "drugstore" (pretend) cowboy...

Now I won't confuse you, dear readers, about how Charles Taylor, like Saddam is a bad man. He may have even thought of WMD!....Oh sorry, we're not on that one anymore? Sorry. But how about those terrorists, eh? What? That's last month's news too? Sorry.

How 'bout the little kids with their arms hacked off with machetes?

Okay, how about this then; people are dying in Liberia. Charles Taylor is the only person in that general area that Bush can probably name (glad Bush bought those James Taylor albums back in those heavy coke days - you know, they still sound good today!) But perhaps the most damning thing about Charles Taylor is that he is currently the president of a country that was actively participating in human trafficking in the 1800's! (Never mind that it was the USA using Liberia as a port for shipping off Blacks to freedom in America in about 1816.) Also, and this is the killer right here: The American owned company Firestone owns much of the Rubber plantations and controls the rubber industry of Liberia. Tires! Bitchin'!

It's all about rubber? And that section of the African coast trafficked in slaves in the 1800s — before Liberia was founded — and it's Bush's fault? I thought he was younger than that? The only name Bush knows in Africa? Quick, Mike! Who's the president of Guinea Bissau? And when was the first time you ever heard of Charles Taylor?

Well, that settles it for me and every other correct thinking patriot right there. I mean, 4.5 million people killed in Congo in the last 3 years? Congo!? What do they make there besides those little drum kits? I can't name one single item that comes from Congo besides little drum kits, can you? Sure they were cool on those Monkees songs, but people, please let's move on. To quote Rumsfeldt, "That was a different time, a different place. We all had flowers in our hair." (Okay, I added that last part.)

You also mispelled (intentionally, I think) Rumsfeld — to make it sound Jewish? Shades of "Franklin Delano Rosenfeld"! Of those 4.5 million people killed in the Congo line, playing their congo drums, none were killed by us as far as I know. Liberia is bordered by Guinea, Sierra Leone, and Ivory Coast, and has no borders with either DRC or the Brazzaville Congo. None of the countries bordering it do, either. If fact, from Monrovia, it's probably about a 40 day hike to anywhere in either Congo.

And what about Myanmar?

Ummm... Okay. What about it?

Who knows how many millions have been "offed" there and right now they are detaining "for her own safety" Ang Syu Ki, a Nobel peace prize winner! Ok, ok, for you American readers, "Burma."

Most of us who read this page regularly can recognize Myanmar as Burma, a nation in southeast Asia with a population of 49 million, most of whom have recently been "offed" by U.S.-supported dictators who... ummm... No. We don't support the dictators in Burma. Never have, in fact. Mike is referring to Aung San Suu Kyi, of course, though he can't seem to spell her name correctly. Once a great country that rivaled Thailand for regional power, Burma (Myanmar, to Mike) has been ruled by a military junta since shortly after independence, when it became an economic backwater. It has a continuing series of civil wars going with its ethnic Shan and Karen populations — we don't support them, either, though we're sympathetic to them, I think — and its Burman majority manages to at least mildly oppress its Mon minority. It also has a free-ranging drug industry that was started by cut off Nationalist Chinese troops in the aftermath of the Second World War. None of which has anything to do with Bush, at least not at the moment.

Well, let me try to wrap up this entire nonsense for you: Bush is desperate. He's grasping at straws. What little credibility he ever had is lost-er in space than Will Robinson, Doctor Smith, and the robot.

Since Mike seems to be in space, too, no doubt he sees them regularly...

The CIA and the military are hanging him out to dry. He's doing his best not to look too stupid, but I think if you thought Nixon was spouting off nonsense towards the end, just keep your video decks on for Bush in the next few months.

Hokay.

He's losing it. And losing it fast.

You just can't see it with the naked eye yet...

So here's my big punchline to finish off this already monstorous joke; Bush, in an effort to feel better about himself and "fill out his insides" goes into the local Donald McRumsfeldt and orders another Big Iraq with Freedom fries. He happily gets his order but later at home, he gets pissed off when he realizes that the Donald McRumsfeldt clerk forgot to give him a straw.

That doesn't make any sense.

- Mike Rogers (Mike-in-Tokyo) 7/3/03

Thanks, Mike. Don't post again, okay?

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