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| -Short Attention Span Theater- |
| Strange Mutant Rats Overrun Kyrgyzstan |
| 2003-09-23 |
| An unusual breed of rats is inflicting damage on Kyrgyzstan’s Dzhalal-Abad region. The rats "are killing numerous farm birds, are damaging grape and corn crops, and have destroyed 14 hectares of grain in one of the districts. These rats can climb trees and are destroying apples, pears and other fruit. The rat invasion may also give rise to different epidemics," parliament member Dooronbek Sadyrbayev told Interfax. Plague, hanta virus, etc. The rats frequently attack people and young children are especially vulnerable. Man-eating mutant rats? Sanitary services are unable to deal with the situation. "The enormous amount of rats cannot be estimated," he said. The rats are not susceptible to typical poisons. That’s, er, unusual. An Uzbek specialist bred the species by crossing an ordinary rat with a muskrat, he said. Mad doctor playing god creates hoards of poison resistent, ravenous man-eating rats. Yup, we’ve seen this movie before. It’ll take a dedicated young scientist and a beautiful reporter to save us. The parliament members asked the government to resolve the problem. We’re doomed! Doomed! |
| Posted by:Steve |
| #25 Seafarious..whitecollar way to show your superior intellect am impressed. really |
| Posted by: Dcreeper 2003-9-23 11:18:59 PM |
| #24 These rats wouldn't be a problem in Texas. Shoot where I live this would be an opportunity to add a little protein to our clay. |
| Posted by: Shipman 2003-9-23 6:42:05 PM |
| #23 Rafael, you're right about Texas. The damm fire ants down here would have those rats for lunch. |
| Posted by: Steve 2003-9-23 4:46:22 PM |
| #22 Me, I'm packing heat. These rats wouldn't be a problem in Texas. |
| Posted by: Rafael 2003-9-23 4:25:28 PM |
| #21 Oh, "Mutant Rats?" My mistake, I thought this thread was titled "Strange Murat Rants" |
| Posted by: whitecollar redneck 2003-9-23 4:21:53 PM |
| #20 Must be imported from Sumatra, eh what? The world is not yet prepared... |
| Posted by: mojo 2003-9-23 4:14:47 PM |
| #19 Meanwhile, in other news, reports of large "humanoid" amphibians in the sewers of New York City still persist. City maintinance worker Joe Schlmoe stated to this reporter: "Yep! Ah sawed 'em, alrite! They wuz TURTLES! Really! Wif' arms an' legs an' shells an' everythin'! An' dey had swords, too!" |
| Posted by: Ed Becerra 2003-9-23 3:48:04 PM |
| #18 "I don't care how mean the rats are, all you have to do is step on them." Hope you get your leg back, Charles. They crossed a ordinary rat with a muskrat, remember? Muskrats weigh from 2 to 4 pounds. They measure 10-14 inches in length, excluding their 8-11 inch tails. Of course, I've seen Norway rats as big or bigger. Me, I'm packing heat. |
| Posted by: Steve 2003-9-23 3:02:50 PM |
| #17 I don't care how mean the rats are, all you have to do is step on them. |
| Posted by: Charles 2003-9-23 2:19:20 PM |
| #16 I don't think that these rats are resistant to napalm. I'm sure some scientist will go back to the drawing board and work on that fault. Has anywone prancing about the town in green colored pantyhose playing a reeded instrument? |
| Posted by: Super Hose 2003-9-23 2:09:02 PM |
| #15 Winston Smith's worst nightmare. |
| Posted by: Katz 2003-9-23 1:41:35 PM |
| #14 Seafarious---I just about choked on my Yogi Tea after reading your ditty....ROTFLMAO! good show. |
| Posted by: Alaska Paul 2003-9-23 1:31:35 PM |
| #13 It sounds like Murat's family is on vacation. Wait... Strike that, I owe a heartfelt apology to plague-bearing vermin everywhere for that horrible libel. |
| Posted by: Ernest Brown 2003-9-23 12:32:39 PM |
| #12 An Uzbek specialist bred the species by crossing an ordinary rat with a muskrat Hmmm...a Mu-Rat. |
| Posted by: Seafarious 2003-9-23 12:10:25 PM |
| #11 We must first try to understand why it is the the rats hate us, we ust look at the root causes of their anger. |
| Posted by: Frank Martin 2003-9-23 12:05:32 PM |
| #10 Do not worry Godzirra will defeat the monsta! |
| Posted by: wills 2003-9-23 11:54:04 AM |
| #9 So some Interfax hack stumbled on to the backset of the sequel to Night of the Lepus. And those things bred like, uh, lepi. |
| Posted by: (lowercase) matt 2003-9-23 11:51:15 AM |
| #8 The rats "are killing numerous farm birds, are damaging grape and corn crops, and have destroyed 14 hectares of grain in one of the districts. These rats can climb trees and are destroying apples, pears and other fruit. The rat invasion may also give rise to different epidemics," Isn't this about the spot where Godzilla rises from his ocean slumber? |
| Posted by: Flaming Sword 2003-9-23 11:50:07 AM |
| #7 Giant Chinese Gerbils vs. Mutant Kyrgyzstan Rats! Liiiiiiiiiive... on Pay Per View!!! |
| Posted by: tu3031 2003-9-23 11:31:03 AM |
| #6 Seafarious LOL! On further review such an organization might do a hell of a lot of good. I can just see the boxes... a gift of love from your friends at Orkin. |
| Posted by: Shipman 2003-9-23 11:23:33 AM |
| #5 They aren't giant mutant rats! They're merely rodents of unusual size... |
| Posted by: Crescend 2003-9-23 11:17:52 AM |
| #4 Willard, call 'em off! Please, Willard. No, Willard, no! Aieeeeeee . . . . |
| Posted by: Mike 2003-9-23 11:06:15 AM |
| #3 Y'know, I won't be surprised to see some of our articles in Weekly World News, rubbing elbows with Bat Boy sometime soon... |
| Posted by: Fred 2003-9-23 10:57:08 AM |
| #2 Perhaps Exterminators Without Frontiers could look into the matter... |
| Posted by: Seafarious 2003-9-23 10:12:34 AM |
| #1 send em to NK. We'll just see who eats who |
| Posted by: Frank G 2003-9-23 10:10:08 AM |