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| Great White North | ||
| Fruitcake: Canada’s Greatest Terrorist Threat | ||
| 2003-12-11 | ||
| EFL If you’re travelling by air this holiday season, forget the fruitcake. At least as carry-on luggage. That’s the advice of the Canadian Air Transport Security Authority. ‘But if you are an Al-Q cell member, no problem.’
Now, about those
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| Posted by:Dragon Fly |
| #17 Claxton fruitcakes from Georgia are the best in the World--no Christmas is complete without one! |
| Posted by: NotMikeMoore 2003-12-12 12:23:18 AM |
| #16 Hey, we have enough fruitcakes in this country. And they're all concentrated in San Francisco. I wish! Unfortunately, we have a large number of them up-state in the People's Republic of Boulder, and a smattering of them down here in Colorado Springs. Seems to be a rather common disease, probably associated with childhood trauma - perhaps receiving that first fruitcake from the jolly old elf. You KNOW you've been bad when you get a fruitcake for Christmas! |
| Posted by: Old Patriot 2003-12-11 9:25:48 PM |
| #15 Supposedly my gram made delicious fruitcake. Would soak the fruit in brandy. |
| Posted by: Anonymous2U 2003-12-11 5:47:03 PM |
| #14 Hey, we have enough fruitcakes in this country. And they're all concentrated in San Francisco. |
| Posted by: Bomb-a-rama 2003-12-11 4:42:53 PM |
| #13 I'm sure a fruitcake could have been used to induce blunt force trauma. I don't know of any restriction against me just bringing a brick onboard instead to bludeon terrorists with. Do you think they'll notice the handgrip i've chisseled into it. |
| Posted by: Super Hose 2003-12-11 4:10:16 PM |
| #12 Where is the outrage over birth defects caused by depleted fruitcakium weapons? Huh? Huh?? (Embarrassed confession: When I was a teenager, my mother mixed up homemade fruitcakium in the kitchen. She has long ago given up these wicked practices, though, I swear.) |
| Posted by: Angie Schultz 2003-12-11 3:19:07 PM |
| #11 I can think of lots of fruitcakes I wouldn't want in this country. Unfortunately, they're already here... |
| Posted by: tu3031 2003-12-11 1:59:15 PM |
| #10 What's the critical mass for a simple gun style fruitcakium weapon? You'd need the bread maker from the North Carolina to machine the thing. |
| Posted by: Shipman 2003-12-11 1:10:15 PM |
| #9 Fission.... thank God for that, could be worse. |
| Posted by: Shipman 2003-12-11 1:07:11 PM |
| #8 Fruitcake, like bacteria, multiply by fission. One is all it takes... |
| Posted by: Old Patriot 2003-12-11 12:41:49 PM |
| #7 Hey, we have enough fruitcakes in this country. |
| Posted by: Rafael 2003-12-11 12:39:19 PM |
| #6 Not to worry. See below: Bentonville, AR - Supply chain specialists at Wal-Mart headquarters announced today the retailer's new Radio Frequency Identification (RFID) initiative has confirmed what the buying public has long suspected: there is only one fruitcake in existence. "We stumbled on this discovery by accident," said warehousing expert Evan Rutherford of OmniOpticon Technologies. "I needed a doorstop for my basement, and I did a quick query against Wal-Mart's inventory for something suitable. And there it was with multiple entries in the database transaction logs, plain as day --- serial number #54340912, The Fruitcake." "Who would have thought that a dessert with such a promising list of ingredients --- ample amounts of brandy and rum --- could go so horribly, tragically wrong?" lamented Rutherford. Most historians believe the origin of the fruitcake dates from the ancient Roman Empire where military engineers first devised the dessert as ammunition for their catapults and seige engines. In this century, NASA engineers employed the fruitcake as ablative shielding for the Apollo 11 crew capsule. The world's fruitcake supply was believed to have been depleted as the shielding burned away during the capsule's reentry, but the loathsome loaf resurfaced. It was found when the wreckage of the Russian carbohydrate-powered submarine the Kursk was salvaged from the bottom of the Barents Sea in October 2001. Some alarmists in biotechnology circles have cited concerns about the possibility of cloning the cake, an event which would unleash an avalanche of awkward gift-giving blunder this holiday season. Luckily, however, Wal-Mart's RFID finding confirms the Congressional ban outlawing the unauthorized reproduction of unwieldy, excessively spiced cakes is being rigorously adhered to by everyone with a token amount of taste and decorum. Pentagon officials could neither confirm nor deny the accuracy of the single-fruitcake theory. |
| Posted by: Slumming 2003-12-11 12:37:02 PM |
| #5 Canada's secret Weapon: DF (Depleted Fruitcakeium) Impentrable armor for our |
| Posted by: john 2003-12-11 11:17:03 AM |
| #4 Fruitcakeium is one of the densest materials on the Periodic Table with a half-life of 2000 years. |
| Posted by: Steve 2003-12-11 10:25:30 AM |
| #3 The Giant Fruitcake Wall will be one of the modern wonders--and it will last longer than the Great Pyramids! |
| Posted by: Dar 2003-12-11 10:16:08 AM |
| #2 I see a wall. A Northern Friendship Wall. A wall of giant fruitcakes. |
| Posted by: john 2003-12-11 9:29:12 AM |
| #1 Okay, okay. I misspelled borders. Sorry. |
| Posted by: Dragon Fly 2003-12-11 6:58:35 AM |