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| -Short Attention Span Theater- |
| A New Reason to Hate Garden Gnomes...They’re Al-Qaeda!! |
| 2004-01-28 |
| From the Weekly World News....a CIA briefing that’s probably about as accurate as what Clinton and Bush have been getting the past few years. Tiny, bearded terrorists from the Middle East are infiltrating the United States -- disguised as garden gnomes. I know they busted that one midget guy in Pakistan last year.... "These guys are typical Al Qaeda operatives," says a top CIA source, "with beards down to their belt buckles and a burning hatred for all things American. But they are tiny and are being shipped into this country disguised as garden gnomes. A suicide gnome may be small, but he can still strap on a lot of explosives, walk into a crowded mall and . . . BOOM!" Paging Yasser & Hamas! The terrorist gnomes are the result of a genetic breeding program that began in the early 1970s, a joint effort of Libya, Iraq and Iran with Chinese medical advisers. It was Iraqi tyrant Saddam Hussein and Al Qaeda mastermind Osama Bin Laden who first realized that garden gnomes stood in the front yards of millions of homes in the U.S. "So what better cover for a terrorist than to pose as a harmless gnome until the time comes to strike?" the CIA source asks. food/drink alert.... "You can pass a garden gnome hundreds of times and never suspect that a human heart beating with hate lies within." That little bastard is coming out of Grandma’s garden right now! Never did like it anyway! |
| Posted by:Desert Blondie |
| #11 Oh, and those lawn jockeys? North Koreans. |
| Posted by: tu3031 2004-1-28 9:28:38 PM |
| #10 This goes in the classix. And so does that California loon article from last November 24. That was funny. |
| Posted by: Steve from Relto 2004-1-28 1:14:00 PM |
| #9 the infamous Gnomes of Zurich have nothin' on these guys... (thinking of the Arabian gnomes depicted in "Secrets of the Gnomes" at home on the coffee table. Not to mention the counterpart Orthodox Jewish Gnome in black cap, with beard and shawl...) |
| Posted by: Querent 2004-1-28 12:52:30 PM |
| #8 So the gnome doing the Travelocity commercials is an infidel? They'll probably fatwah his *ss. |
| Posted by: 4thInfVet 2004-1-28 12:39:23 PM |
| #7 I knew we would regret the day that Willie Wonka saved those little bastards. |
| Posted by: Super Hose 2004-1-28 11:18:18 AM |
| #6 I raised an eyebrow one time while watching "Better Homes & Gardens" when I noticed a family of them all had prayer rugs and a compass. |
| Posted by: Jarhead 2004-1-28 11:14:00 AM |
| #5 Torch the Gnomes! (many are made of excellent hardwood) |
| Posted by: Shipman 2004-1-28 11:11:53 AM |
| #4 In other news, doll collectors are claiming that their dolls have starting reciting the Koran and hanging barbie's. |
| Posted by: Charles 2004-1-28 10:58:46 AM |
| #3 I was always suspicious of those things. All the time sitting there looking innocent while making plots and getting ideas. |
| Posted by: lil dhimmi (JC) 2004-1-28 10:46:56 AM |
| #2 Exploding gnomes aren't nearly as messy as this: "A dead sperm whale being transported through Tainan City on its way to a research station suddenly exploded yesterday, splattering cars and shops with blood and guts." Yuuck. |
| Posted by: Gasse Katze 2004-1-28 8:55:09 AM |
| #1 Seems that Scott Ott, over at Scrappleface, has some competition. |
| Posted by: Gasse Katze 2004-1-28 7:35:40 AM |