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| Home Front: Politix |
| Kerry Hamster Has Sued for Faulty CPR; Might Support Republicans |
| 2004-07-31 |
| From The New York Times, an article by Colin McEnroe y name is Licorice, and I am a hamster. .... I have come forward now to set the record straight. ... the next thing I knew, I was in the water and sinking fast. I saw my whole life pass before my eyes. ... I could already feel myself back in my body, could feel strong hands yanking open my cage and pulling me upward to safety. Yes, it was John Kerry. Help was on the way. Yes, he did perform CPR. Yes, he did perform mouth-to-mouth resuscitation. ... It's also true that I wound up suing the family. I have continuing health problems, including a partial paralysis on my right side that makes it difficult for me to drink out of a regular water bottle. And let's just say there aren't going to be any Licorice Jr.'s. One of the small pleasures of hamster life denied. There was a settlement. I can't talk about it. I got enough to pay for a daily home health aide. ... I might wind up speaking at the Republican convention, though. I'm opposed to stem cell research. With any kind of research, hamsters always wind up taking it right on the chin. And we barely even have chins. |
| Posted by:Mike Sylwester |