(2005-03-23) -- As part of his sweeping proposal to reform the scandal-plagued United Nations, Secretary-General Kofi Annan today announced the creation of a new agency to relieve the suffering of UN leaders who are subject to "the oppressive arm of investigation and litigation."

Actually, Mr. Annan created the agency some time ago, but its work was just made public when news broke that Benon Sevan, who coordinated the Iraq oil-for-food program, had been granted relief from his own suffering.

Spokesman Fred Eckhard told The New York Sun that the UN had been paying Mr. Sevan's legal bills up until last month, although the UN had denied it for months in order to "spare Mr. Sevan the emotional trauma of publicity."

"The United Nations is all about peace and fighting poverty," said Mr. Eckhard, "so it's only natural that we would pay these legal bills to fight Mr. Sevan's impending poverty and give him peace of mind."

Mr. Annan called on wealthy member-nations to give an additional $7 billion this year to partially fund the new agency.

"We'll also extend our successful Trick-or-Treat for UNICEF program so that American children can help morally-needy UN leaders with the skyrocketing cost of legal defense.