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Iraq-Jordan
Web Site Announces Al-Zarqawi Replacement
2005-05-26
Looks like poor old Zarq is titzup...
A Web site statement posted Thursday and signed in the name of al-Qaida in Iraq said the militant group has appointed a deputy to take the lead until Abu Musab al-Zarqawi, who's purportedly been wounded, returns.
"He's resting now. Looks very... ummm... natural."
The statement's authenticity could not be verified.
"Bob, could you verify that statement?"
"Right, chief! I'll hop on the next Airbus out, fly to Soddy Arabia, find the head chopper who wrote it, and ask him if it's true!"
"That sounds pretty expensive. Let's just add a sentence that it can't be verified!"
"The leaders met after the injury of our sheik, Abu Musab al-Zarqawi ... and decided to appoint a deputy to take the lead until the return of our sheik," said the statement, which was posted on a militant Web site that two days earlier announced al-Zarqawi had been injured. It identified Abu Hafs al-Kurani as "deputy of the holy warriors." The new statement said that al-Kurani "was known for carrying out the hardest operations, and our sheik would choose him and his group for the tough operations."
"C'mon, Kurani! Into the barrel!"
"But... But... It's all full of blood!"
"Mahmoud! Hose the barrel out for our new sheikh!"
The statement again urged Muslims to pray for al-Zarqawi, saying: "We will go on in our way of Jihad until victory or martyrdom and we call upon Muslims to pray for the Mujahedeen and for the safety of our sheik." It was signed off in the name of Abu Doujanah al-Tunisi of the media committee of al-Qaida in Iraq. Al-Tunisi was not a familiar name signing off such statements.
Posted by:Paul Moloney

#18  
Die Zarq die.
Here's a Stones tune for ya Zarq, ya nearly dead bastard:


You're obsolete my baby
My poor old-fashioned baby
I said baby, baby, baby you're out of time

Well, baby, baby, baby, you're out of time
I said, baby, baby, baby, you're out of time
Yes, you are left out
Out of there without a doubt
'Cause baby, baby, baby, you're out of time

Die Islamo-mutant die!!
Posted by: sea cruise   2005-05-26 13:03  

#17  An alternate view: A couple weeks after the NYT (and others) start complaining that Zarqawi is losing the Iraqi "hearts and minds" battle he's replaced. Withdrawn? Kicked upstairs? Athough it could all be just happy coincidence that he died just as he becoming seen as counterproductive. (HHHmmmmm Was it an inside job? ...you know the penalty for failure # 2...)
Posted by: Dave   2005-05-26 12:16  

#16  Where do I send the gift?

Let's get him a JDAM. A nice, big one. Two thousand pounder. He'll have a blast when it's delivered.
Posted by: Mike   2005-05-26 12:00  

#15  I would guess that congratulations are in order. Where do I send the gift"?
Posted by: Captain America   2005-05-26 11:15  

#14  no press confrense?
Posted by: muck4doo   2005-05-26 11:06  

#13  Ladies and gentlemen, a round of applause please for that old crowd pleaser . . . gas gangrene!
Posted by: Mike   2005-05-26 11:01  

#12  I'm not dead!
(Yes, he is.)
I'm not!
(He isn't?)
(Well, he will be soon. He's very ill.)
I'm getting better!
(No, you're not. You'll be stone dead in a moment.)
I feel fine! . . . I think I'll go for a walk. . . . I feel happy. . . I feel happy.
Posted by: Abu Musab al-Zarqawi   2005-05-26 10:59  

#11  Alaska Paul is off to unpack the ululator from the cosmolene...and I'm off to Google up one Abu Hafs al-Kurani (PTUI)...
Posted by: Seafarious   2005-05-26 10:41  

#10  I for one will fire a couple magazines from my carbine into the sky wedding style to celebrate the the passing and welcome the new clown on the ground.
Posted by: Tkat   2005-05-26 09:37  

#9  Ooooooooh. A new boy! Does new Abu have a purty mouth too!
Posted by: Mahmoud Al-Jailbirdi   2005-05-26 09:11  

#8  Wondering how long it'll be before al-Kurani's getting the vulture pic? Z-man's either dead/on his way or this is a sign that he's desperate (needs to come back and say he's Superman to get more jihadis cannon fodder for our boyz).
Posted by: BA   2005-05-26 08:47  

#7  I'm a little unsure about ululating protocol.
Fred will issue the "Go Code", then you may proceed. Just listen for the automatic weapons fire.
Posted by: Steve   2005-05-26 08:44  

#6  I told you he was "stable" like Arafat was.
Posted by: Robert Crawford   2005-05-26 07:59  

#5  Standby for the old-man-of-the-mountain scam.
Posted by: Shipman   2005-05-26 07:23  

#4  That was fast. All right all you wound experts, place your bets on what killed him: sucking chest wound or gas gangrene?

Oh, yes. Can I ulululululululu yet? I'm a little unsure about ululating protocol. ;-)
Posted by: trailing wife   2005-05-26 06:23  

#3  Impatiently waiting for the large woman with the braids and viking helmet.
Posted by: gromky   2005-05-26 06:11  

#2  heh... sounding a bit grim. If he isn't dead, his replacement will soon be more than willing to help him retire.
Posted by: 2b   2005-05-26 05:54  

#1  Note the 'would choose'. I.e. ZMan is in no position to express his choice. Might be time to break out the beverage of your choice.
Posted by: phil_b   2005-05-26 04:42  

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