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| Down Under |
| Tim Blair's Modest Proposal |
| 2005-05-31 |
| A man, a plan, er, Indonesia? (edited to the good bits) (snip) But the prime minister's invitation would only be a first step. The next would come somewhere between Jakarta and Sydney, when a covert baggage-handler, operating under Australian government instruction, would add 3kg of high-quality Afghan heroin, 2kg of uncut Bolivian cocaine, 1kg of hydroponic marijuana, four child pornography DVDs, and 120 MDMA tablets to the president's luggage. Also, several panda cubs and one or two handguns. The baggage handler need not worry about leaving any fingerprints, as this "evidence", when discovered by customs officials, won't be tested. Nor will Susilo Bambang Yudhoyono's angry denials be videotaped; instead, he'll be reported to have instantly asserted ownership over the drugs, DVDs, protected species and weapons. In fact, according to customs staff, the president would at one point attempt to ingest all the drugs at once while screaming obscene abuse about Phar Lap and Ruth Cracknell. Then would come the president's trial, before one of our finest narcoleptic magistrates and a jury selected randomly from Bali bomb survivors, East Timorese refugees and Corby family members. Despite the best efforts of his legal team (three TAFE engineering students), Susilo Bambang Yudhoyono might expect an unusually harsh sentence: something in the range of 7000 years, plus hanging (and don't forget the $13,000 fine!). The final step would be relatively simple, beginning with an email (subject line: "prisoner exchange") from the prime minister to the Indonesian government. Events thereafter would swiftly restore the post-tsunami harmony both nations have recently enjoyed. |
| Posted by:mojo |