Inmates from the US-led war on terror held at the prison camp at the US naval base at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba are well treated, play outdoor sports, and have access to a broad Muslim-approved menu, a US senator who traveled to the site said. US Senator Pat Roberts, a conservative Republican from Kansas, said on "Fox News Sunday" that he just returned from visiting the Guantanamo detention site. "They have a Muslim menu down there of 113 dishes," said Roberts, chairman of the US Senate Intelligence Committee. "I saw them playing soccer. I saw them playing ping-pong. I saw them playing ... I think it was volleyball," he said.
US camp guards "strictly observe with reverence all of the prayer calls, five times a day, 20 minutes," he said. "And in regards to the health care, my word, they have better health care than many of my small communities in Kansas." According to Roberts inmate treatment there "is carrots, not sticks. We are treating people humanely."
Meanwhile the US soldiers guarding the inmates "are getting very rough treatment from some of these detainees -- and I don't call them 'detainees,' I call them 'terrorists' -- throwing excrement at them and everything else." The US guards "are more worried about what's happening in Congress in regards to their future than they are the terrorists," Roberts said.
I've commented a few times before on my philosophy of how to turn these guys from their terrorist ways, or at least assure that they become ineffectual. I like the idea of them having lots of good food. I hope that seconds are available, and I hope they're using lots of real ingredients: butter, cream, extra sugar, all that sort of stuff. They're far from home, and incarcerated, so they need happy food: cakes, pies, peanuts, popcorn, potato chips, lots and lots of baclavah. If I was in charge, I'd be feeding them about 5000 calories a day and redirecting their exercise time into video games. My goal would be that no one under 435 pounds would be released from Gitmo. The sign over the gate would read: "You can't leave if you can see your feet."
I'd also make sure they had unlimited access to whatever Arabic versions of Playboy, Penthouse, Busty Hot Blondes, Limber Lasses, Boys at Play, and similar skin mags there might be, and if there aren't any I'd be printing them and handing them out. I might even set up an intranet that consisted of nothing but porn sites and let them have unlimited access.
I'd also be thinking hard on how to instill a sense of humor into these goobers. That would involve the obvious step of keeping contact with holy men, even the ones we supply, to an absolute minimum. I'd have mandatory movie nites, probably starting with Charlie Chaplin, Keystone Kops, Harold Lloyd, and Buster Keaton, and then, once they were laughing seriously, I'd move them to the hard stuff: Albert Finney and Suzanna York in Tom Jones, the Japanese version of "Shall We Dance," and a thousand other movies that involve broad physical humor centering around a sympathetic hero's efforts to get laid. With repetition they'd start to get the idea, though hopefully by the time they're released they'll be too fat to put it into practice. |
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