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Syria-Lebanon-Iran
Calling all suicide 'martyrs'
2005-07-27
An advertisement in an Iranian publication has called for people to come forward for "martyrdom operations" against the enemies of Islam. It is published by an institute managed by one of Iran's most conservative and radical clerics, Ayatollah Masbah Yazdi, who has declared his support for Iran's new President, Mahmoud Ahmedinejad.

The advertisement calls for men and women to enlist with the "Martyrdom Lovers' Headquarters". It says the idea is to achieve "all-out readiness" against the enemies of Islam - and the Islamic Republic of Iran. Those who are picked will be specially trained for their missions in different divisions in every province. To apply, all that is needed are photographs, a form and a copy of a birth certificate.

This is not the first time Iranians have registered for suicide missions - though in Islam a clear distinction is made between ordinary suicide and martyrdom for a religious cause. Several people have signed up with different organisations to defend the holy shrines in Iraq and the rights of Palestinians. But in practice, their pledges are merely symbolic and it is highly unlikely that they would actually go on suicide missions. One function was held earlier this year to honour dead Palestinian women suicide bombers, and a huge mural in central Tehran still depicts one Palestinian woman who had two children, yet chose to die.
Posted by:DEEK

#11  $behaviour = array(
"read koran",
"seethe",
"beat wife",
"go to public stoning",
"rant about zionism",
"plant bombs",
"kill female relative",
"martyrdom mission",
"go to public amputation",
"whine about islamophobia",
"read mein kampf",
"watch jihad video",
"decapitate infidel");
for(;;) { // infinite loop
$nextmove = array_rand(array_flip($behaviour));
echo $nextmove . " - ";
if $nextmove = "martyrdom mission" break;
}
Posted by: The Shining Skull   2005-07-27 20:28  

#10  Splodydopes is the proper term.
Posted by: 3dc   2005-07-27 12:14  

#9  Agreed, .com! On a serious note, when is the Beeb gonna quit calling them martyrs. A martyr is one who dies (is murdered) for his beliefs by him/herself...not one who commits suicide in order to take out as many Joooos/infidels as possible. Next thing ya know, they'll be "suicide bombers/insurgents"
Posted by: BA   2005-07-27 10:33  

#8  Lol! #4 Needs a Beverage Alert attached!

Nice one, PD!
Posted by: .com   2005-07-27 10:18  

#7  I got some Halal for ya, Yazdi!
Posted by: Ron Hedgehog Jeremy   2005-07-27 09:59  

#6  Applicants will be given a series of detonator button pushing tests to ensure they have mastered the requisite fine motor skills. A rapid Psychological examination will also be administered to verify the mandatory religiously inspired violent psychosis of each applicant. If selected, applicant will be required to sign a noncompetition clause and an assignment of rights to 36 of their deferred mule compensation program benefits. EOE - both Sunni and Shia are welcome.
Posted by: MunkarKat   2005-07-27 09:11  

#5  I, of course, can not go with you, as the Teheran satellite has a classic American porn festival running that weekend, but I will be with you in spirit, as always...
Posted by: Ayatollah Masbah Yazdi   2005-07-27 08:59  

#4  *sigh* kids. they blow up so quickly.
Posted by: PlanetDan   2005-07-27 07:10  

#3  I can see it in the personals:

Wanted: One jihadi....not looking for anything long term. Kinda like.....slam, BAM, thank you ma'am.
Posted by: Tom Dooley   2005-07-27 03:06  

#2  That photo is ... obscene.

'nuff said.
Posted by: Tony (UK)   2005-07-27 02:21  

#1  Does the job come with a retirement package?
Posted by: Captain America   2005-07-27 02:04  

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