The Vampire Elites spring into action...The United Nations' new global emergency fund began work on Thursday with slightly more than half the $500 million dollars its director had hoped for.
We ordered a really big pot. Please fill it with money so we can "manage" it and take credit for everything, k?
The first grants from the Central Emergency Fund went to drought-stricken northeastern Africa and western Ivory Coast, where angry mobs recently burned down U.N. aid offices. The dollar amounts of the grants were not given.
They're, um, classified. It's a special feature of the new "transparency" thingy.
The fund opened for business with pledges totaling just $256 million from 36 donor governments. Canada, Australia, Spain and the United States were among governments announcing pledges at the launch.
*groan*
The goal had been to raise $500 million, but U.N Emergency Relief Coordinator Jan Egeland said the response nonetheless amounted to "a big step" forward as the sole source of emergency funds had previously been a U.N. standby loan facility of just $50 million.
Yes, we have so much more to play with now! No more 3-star hotels - we're waay too important. Now about that 7% tax thingy...
But international relief group Oxfam has argued the fund would need $1 billion to ensure an adequate U.N. response.
Hey! We want in, too!
"The fund will make us quicker, more flexible and predictable" in dealing with both man-made humanitarian disasters like the crisis in Sudan's western Darfur region and with natural disasters like the 2004 Indian Ocean tsunami, Egeland said.
We have a track record of doing nothing, even when funded, but we hold the most fabulous press conferences!
He had asked for the fund after the tsunami, and the 191-nation U.N. General Assembly approved it last December.
Classic Other People's Money UN Resolution.
The idea is to give the world body the ability to quickly send emergency supplies to an affected area without having to wait for international donors to send checks or make good on pledges.
Lol. Right.
The money in the fund would be continually replenished as contributions later poured in for each individual disaster.
So it would really be better if you just go ahead and open up a vein, you see...