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| -Short Attention Span Theater- |
| Things Could Always Be Better |
| 2006-03-17 |
| IN MARCH 2003 Hans Blix and Mohamed ElBaradei, of the UN, secured a remarkable, last-minute deal that averted war and seemed to guarantee the disarmament of Iraq. “Saddam Hussein has finally consented to eliminate all his weapons of mass destruction,” they said, in a signing ceremony with the Iraqi leader. Saddam, flanked by his two sons, Uday and Qusay, accepted the plaudits of the UN with pomp and grace. Beaming as he smiled at a hastily assembled crowd of French, German and Russian children, he said he had saved the world from the bloodlust of George Bush and Tony Blair with a magnanimous gesture of international friendship. There were approving murmurs of support in many Western capitals. In Oslo there was talk of a Nobel Peace prize. |
| Posted by:6 |
| #1 In other news, President Al Gore announced today that the House and Senate had unanimously agreed to sign the Kyoto Accords, binding the United States to worldwide agreements aimed at reducing global warming. President Gore stated that "While the economic impact on the United States and our people may be severe, it is absolutely necessary to insure the survival of the Earth through these reductions." Gasoline prices immediately soared on the news throughout the nation reaching a high of $7.99 in California. The stock market reacted negatively to the signing of the Accords tumbling nearly five thousand points before the markets could be shut down. World oil prices also skyrocketed with the price per barrel of oil shooting through the $100 mark for the first time in history. Market experts believe that the price will rise to at least $300 per barrel when the market reopens on Monday. Meanwhile, the Israeli gvernment agreed to return to its pre-1967 borders and to allow more than 5 million Palestinians the right to return to their homes in occupied territory. Israel also agreed to turn over its nuclear weapons and facilities to United Nations peacekeeping forces and to return all of Jerusalem to Palestinian control. Iranian diplomats greeted the Israeli move with open condemnation of the Jewish state and stated that they were moving ahead with plans to detonate their first nuclear bomb in a recently prepared underground test site as early as next week. "Our nuclear weapons program is for purely defensive purposes," stated Iranian President Ahmadinejad. "The zionists and their ally the Great Satan have nthing to worry about although we are ready, if provoked, to rain fire down upon their heads and to close the Straits of Hormuz." Oil prices spiked again to $150 per barrel on news of the Iranian planned atomic demonstration. |
| Posted by: FOTSGreg 2006-03-17 20:50 |