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-Short Attention Span Theater-
Flowers bloom 6 days early - We're all DOOMED!
2006-03-23
"News" release from Clear The Air website:
Washington, DC. "Clear the Air, a national public education campaign to combat global warming, today released a survey of scientific literature on global warming's impacts on seasonal cycles. More and more studies show that global warming is throwing off the seasonal rhythms of familiar species such as northern cardinals, tree swallows, lilacs and honeysuckles.
Quick, Ethel - my pills! (Oh, wait - I don't have an Ethel. Oh, well.)
The data highlight the urgency of the global warming problem and the need for swift congressional action.
HAHAHAHAHAHA. Isn't "swift congressional action" an oxymoron? (With the emphasis on the moron.)
"The science is clear:
Like hell it is; lying is the same as breathing to these clowns.
global warming isn't off in the distant future or happening somewhere else, it's happening across the nation and it's causing our seasons to creep out of balance," Angela Ledford Anderson, director of Clear the Air "Global warming is already forcing changes to the signs of spring we are all familiar with like the Cherry Blossoms along the tidal basin."

The survey, Season Creep: How Global Warming is Already Affecting the World Around Us, finds that scientists who study changes in natural phenomena (when trees bud and when birds lay their eggs), are increasingly pointing their fingers at global warming as the reason for disturbing changes in wildlife, plants and the natural environment.
Disturbing? How disturbing, you may ask. And they may answer:
"This survey should reinforce the need for us to treat global warming as an emerging and significant problem," said Professor Mark D. Schwartz from the Department of Geography at the University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee. "We know that global warming is already changing the complex relationships of the natural environment and it threatens to bring even greater changes in the future. As scientists, we need to better understand the connection between climate and periodic biological phenomena. This is one of the reasons why I am working with my colleagues to implement a National Phenology Network."

Some of the species scientists have found to be already affected by global warming and changes they are experiencing are:

  • Lilacs and honeysuckle are blooming six days early;
    6 days early? (Earlier than what, precisely?) We're all doomed, I tell ya'!
  • Canadian geese, robins and whip-poor-wills are arriving earlier;
    Hell, around central Virginia, the robins don't leave. And a lot of the Canada geese have decided to stay around, too, since they know people will feed them here. (Golf courses hate them.)
  • Spring snow-melt in the Western U.S. is happening 4 weeks earlier than in the mid 20th century;
    Ummm, care to tell us how today compares to, say, the early 20th century? Or the 1800's? And why is a longer growing season a problem, exactly?
  • Lakes and rivers are freezing six days later and thawing six days earlier;
    Hmmmm. 12 days less of winter. And (except for ski resorts) this is a problem because....?
    and,

    "These changes are so striking because they are taking place in so many places around the country," said Bruce Stutz, author of the new book Chasing Spring. "Gardeners, birders, and people who just generally enjoy the outdoors are seeing these changes. As I traveled around the country following the changes of the spring season, I found researchers and scientists who are studying the problem and concluding that the gradual warming is the main culprit. We stand to lose a lot,
    Yeah - a lot more winter. So who in the normal world objects to this?
    and the biggest loss may be to the familiar and reassuring rituals we know as springtime."
    Like your familiar ritual of tossing out new "studies" to scare people into doing something economically disastrous to our country?
    Global warming is throwing out of sync everything from plants and animals to springtime itself, but Congress still refuses to give in to loons deal with the problem," said Angela Ledford Anderson. "We urge the President and Members of Congress to listen to the science and deal with global warming before the sun's normal cycle turns it into global cooling again it's too late. We need a national policy on global warming that guarantees destruction of America's evil capitalist economy pollution reductions quickly enough to screw up everything before someone figures out we're full of it avert the most dire consequences of global warming."
    The "report" is available at the like - if you care.
  • Posted by:Barbara Skolaut

    #10  Joe reduces the difficult science of scamming government grants and pushing irrational fear mongering to the simple bottom line of logical reasoning and dope slaps. :) Thanks for the clarification JM
    Posted by: Inspector Clueso   2006-03-23 23:12  

    #9  We're all gonna drown, D *** you, as the BBC, etal. has a study arguing that global warming will raise sea levels by 3 feet; while Reuters quotes a SCIENCE arty whose author-scientist says 20 feet. Ergo the Enviro-nuts and Libbies want us all to go back to ancient/archaic times so that all mankind can achieve Utopian Equalism by being properly and equally roasted when the Sun goes, SSSSSSSHHHHHH, NOVA, or PLanet X = Earth/Sun's Dead Twin flys by after 2009??? All mankind - including post-Holocaust Amerikkk's surviving 100Milyuhn or less, prob less, Male Brutes - can and will be saved iff only mankind will put its hopes in OWG and the Motherly rockets of Russia-China - you know, the ones that keep blowing up.
    Posted by: JosephMendiola   2006-03-23 22:28  

    #8  This is one of the reasons why I am working with my colleagues to implement a National Phenology Network.

    Is there an r left out of Phenology?
    Posted by: Nimble Spemble   2006-03-23 15:24  

    #7  Cool graphic.

    Thanks, Fred! :-D
    Posted by: Barbara Skolaut   2006-03-23 15:20  

    #6  I blame the Nematodes of Doom!

    And Bush, of course.
    Posted by: Snuper Thramp5041   2006-03-23 14:39  

    #5  Oh, and clearly this press release was drawn up before the current snowstorms across the Eastern US, which chilled all those overheated blooms and bird couples.
    Posted by: trailing wife   2006-03-23 14:29  

    #4  It's my understanding that American Robins do migrate: from Canada to Ohio and New York State, from New York to Pennsylvania, Penn to Virginia, etc. Northern Cardinals stay put though, like Blue Jays. And is the honeysuckle they are referring to one of the many native species, or Chinese bush honeysuckle and Japanese honeysuckle vine? 'Cause the Asian species leaf out much earlier than the natives, and hold onto their leaves longer -- that's one reason why they're so horribly invasive. Lots of ignorance revealed in the article; these people fall under the Passover heading of "those too ignorant even to know what questions to ask."

    In my humble opinion, of course.
    Posted by: trailing wife   2006-03-23 14:26  

    #3  The last three falls I've planted bulbs in the 20 square feet alloted to my condo. The first year, they came up, didn't do much, and died. The second year, nothing came up. This year they came up, got a few inches high, and we got five inches of snow.

    Global warming? Yeah. Right.
    Posted by: Robert Crawford   2006-03-23 14:18  

    #2  When reality imitates art......

    Is this article a "lost" chapter of "State of Fear"?

    Posted by: no mo uro   2006-03-23 14:04  

    #1  And why is a longer growing season a problem, exactly?

    Man, you don't get it! It's like, you know, a longer growing season means, you know, a shorter non-growing season, and that means the polar icecap is, totally, you know, melting and my English professor says that, you know, we're all doomed because Bush didn't sign Kyoto. Dude, more ice, less food.
    Posted by: Dreadnought   2006-03-23 14:01  

    00:00