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| -Short Attention Span Theater- | |
| FBI's Milford dig. $ 250,000. and still no Hoffa bones. | |
| 2006-05-26 | |
| In future dictionaries, I expect the "Hoffa hunt" to replace the archaic "snipe hunt." A snipe hunt is an elaborate practical joke, a hazing rite: A first-time snipe hunter is handed a paper bag and released in the woods, with directions to bring back a rare snipe. But the snipe is fictitious quarry. At the hunt's end, the novice hunter is all alone in the dark, humiliated. A Hoffa hunt is more contemporary fun. Instead of a few snickering accomplices, it requires a vast array of staff -- FBI agents, sure, but also construction workers, and caterers, and arcane experts in the art of bone removal, including anthropologists and archaeologists. Instead of a humble paper bag, the Hoffa Hunt requires a great array of equipment -- from SUVs to earth-moving backhoes, from laptops to spectrometers. The possibilities for spending gobs of money on a good Hoffa hunt -- like the current all-out assault on Hidden Dreams Farm, the Milford Township farm that only three days ago was a peaceful haven for purebred Morgan horses -- are many. And the spending -- the Milford dig is likely to cost at least $250,000 and probably more -- creates mini-industries that snipe hunting expeditions never spawned. Right now, media from across the country are encamping outside the site, with their trucks, their electronics and their appetites for food and drink. Laboratories are cranking up their diagnostic machinery. The FBI's crews of experts must be housed, driven, fed. Oh, sure: A successful hunt would solve one of the last century's great murder mysteries, and settle an old score between the FBI and the once-mighty, Mob-ridden Teamsters union of that era. It would bring fame and adulation to the leader of the successful hunt, too. That's the lure, as well, to every cranky aging felon who wants one last con or plea. Meanwhile, there are hundreds of cases less hopeless than this three-decades-old case of a corrupt union boss killed by criminal associates. The Detroit area hardly lacks crimes that require solutions -- that are begging for the kind of manpower and resources now being deployed on this loony Hoffa hunt. What if Hoffa's remains are found in Milford? After decades, the remains are unlikely to provide the kind of forensic evidence that could lead to the killer -- and even less likely to lead to a killer's conviction in court. Justice for Mr. Hoffa or his family is unlikely. Besides, the rest of us have learned to love the legend. Where is Jimmy Hoffa? He's part of our culture and lore, an unsolved mystery that, if solved, is more likely to depress us with sordid, sad truth than to create any kind of satisfaction. Don't bother the FBI with that, though. Its agents are massed in Milford, laying waste to already-pinched budgets and priorities, with visions of G-man glory in their heads. And why? To re-enact some mad law enforcement ritual that always ends like a snipe hunt: with the taxpayers in the dark, holding the bag.
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| Posted by:Besoeker |
| #2 If thoses Mythbusters dudes couldn't find him, then the FBI uptight agents certainly won't be able to locate anything, unless they put Special Agent Dale Cooper and his midget dreams on the case. |
| Posted by: anonymous5089 2006-05-26 14:16 |
| #1 Why are they looking there? Everybody knows Jimmy Hoffa is buried in the koi pond in Senator Bedfellow's backyard. |
| Posted by: Mike 2006-05-26 13:16 |