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-Short Attention Span Theater-
N-waste? Madonna has solution
2006-08-21
MADONNA and her husband, Guy Ritchie, have been lobbying the British Government and nuclear industry over a magic cleaning solution. The couple, both followers of the Jewish spiritual movement Kabbalah, approached Downing Street, Whitehall and British Nuclear Fuels (BNFL) promoting a scheme to clean up radioactive waste using a "mystical" liquid tested in a Russian lake. "It was like a crank call ... the scientific mechanisms and principles were just bollocks, basically," one official said.

But public servants at the Department of Trade and Industry and scientists at BNFL were obliged to take the celebrity couple seriously. It is understood that the couple, who live in London and Wiltshire, were promoting a water-based solution that had allegedly proved successful in neutralising dangerous nuclear waste in Russia. The Kabbalah Centre, which is based in California, believes water is a uniquely important substance that can be given magic healing powers through "meditations and the consciousness of sharing". Madonna is said to have approached Downing Street, before being directed to the DTI. "She relentlessly pursued people," said a former DTI public servant. "She wanted to get this Russian scientist to explain this to civil servants."

But her campaign became bogged down by Whitehall bureaucracy. "It was a case of pass the parcel," the public servant said.

Ritchie, who directed Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels, cold-called BNFL and wrote a series of letters accompanied by scientific papers. A panel of BNFL's best scientists was assigned to look at the proposal but could find no scientific basis for the claims. The lobbying, which took place a few years ago, was part of a campaign by Madonna, who saw it as her mission to rid the world of nuclear waste. She made this clear in newspaper interviews at the time. "I mean, one of the biggest problems that exists right now in the world is nuclear waste," she said. "That's something I've been involved with for a while with a group of scientists -- finding a way to neutralise radiation, believe it or not."

The Kabbalah Centre, which is based in Los Angeles but has branches worldwide, was set up by Philip Berg, a former insurance salesman. One devotee has described how Berg leads chants of "Chernobyl" and the names of other nuclear power plants. Followers believe this helps "heal the problem of nuclear waste". Undercover reporters who attended a Kabbalah Centre dinner in London described how Madonna and Ritchie were among guests who turned east towards Chernobyl and began shouting its name. Some Kabbalah followers are even said to believe that nuclear waste is the cause of the AIDS epidemic.

Madonna has said: "According to science, we aren't going to have a planet in about 50 years at the rate we're going with nuclear waste. I can write the greatest songs and make the most fabulous films and be a fashion icon and conquer the world, but if there isn't a world to conquer, what's the point? I've just come to a place in my life where I'm trying to really see what the big picture is and where my energy is better spent, and that's one area I'm really concerned about."

The Kabbalah Centre is believed to have sponsored Oroz, a "23rd-century" research body in New York that heralded a "breakthrough" in neutralising radioactive waste. Artur Spokojny, the director of Oroz and a Kabbalah follower, is said to have developed a "revolutionary" decontamination agent called Orodyne, which can reportedly also treat gynaecological problems in cows and sheep. Three years ago, the research centre claimed it had experimented with the agent in Lake Glyboke near Chernobyl and had successfully decontaminated the water. Madonna was not available to comment at the weekend because she is on tour in Germany.
Posted by:tipper

#14  too many drugs
Posted by: Flavitle Omart7450   2006-08-21 21:04  

#13  "what's that Timmy? Lassie's in Madonna? what about the well?"
Posted by: Frank G   2006-08-21 20:31  

#12  hear = here
Posted by: Texas Redneck   2006-08-21 19:52  

#11  
An old joke from the 80's.

Q: What's the difference between Madonna and the Statue of Liberty?

A: Not everyones been up the Statue of Liberty!

Try the veal, I'll be hear all week.
Posted by: Texas Redneck   2006-08-21 19:51  

#10  "I've just come to a place in my life where I'm trying to really see what the big picture is and where my energy is better spent..."

Oh, for cryin' out loud... just shut up and sing. Or take your clothes off, or whatever it is you do these days...

Posted by: Dave D.   2006-08-21 19:32  

#9  Why not just spread it over Qom?
Posted by: 3dc   2006-08-21 19:16  

#8  If I'm reading this right, they think that by shouting at the problem it will go away . . .

Yup. They're liberals, all right.
Posted by: The Doctor   2006-08-21 16:56  

#7  Dunno about nothing escaping, #6, but there sure have been a lot of visitors!
Posted by: gb506   2006-08-21 16:42  

#6  She could hide all the N-Waste in her vagina. I hear nothing escapes.
Posted by: mcsegeek1   2006-08-21 14:33  

#5  "revolutionary" decontamination agent called Orodyne, which can reportedly also treat gynaecological problems in cows and sheep.


... and Madonna can vouch for it.
Posted by: DoDo   2006-08-21 14:03  

#4  I wonder how long it'll take for the owners of the patent on "Orgone" to sue them.
Posted by: Abdominal Snowman   2006-08-21 14:02  

#3  Oh. You mean she's not gonna just suck it all outta the ground?
Posted by: tu3031   2006-08-21 13:51  

#2  Shut up and strip for the cameras.
Posted by: ed   2006-08-21 13:44  

#1  Madonna's been hitting the Orodyne, apparently.
Posted by: Swamp Blondie   2006-08-21 13:24  

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