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-Short Attention Span Theater-
Army Knife Eats New York City!
2006-08-28


I didn't really want to post an advertisement here at Rantburg, but this was nigh well irresistable. Sadly, it's a Wenger and not Victorinox, so there's no way I'd even consider buying it, but it has to be seen to be believed.

If a moderator could please insert the black background photo from the website below my header text, I'd appreciate it.


The Most Incredible Knife

Wenger wants you to do one thing: throw out your old knives. Actually, it wants you to do several things: throw out your bike tools, your toiletries, your laser pointer and so on, because you can find all of these instruments in a huge Swiss Army knife, which includes every tool the company makes. Wenger is calling the contraption “Giant Knife Version 1.0.” It debuted with all 85 features and can perform hundreds of functions.

Who doesnÂ’t need a cigar cutter next to a bicycle chain rivet setter next to a golf divot repair tool? Wenger is on to something with this everymanÂ’s gadget. It wouldnÂ’t be a knife, though, without a blade, so Wenger put seven in the line-up. And it wouldnÂ’t be Swiss Army unless it came with tweezers and a toothpick. (TheyÂ’re included, too.)

Here are all 85 tools included in Giant Knife, Version 1.0:

1. 2.5” 60% Serrated locking blade
2. Nail file, nail cleaner
3. Corkscrew
4. Adjustable pliers with wire crimper and cutter
5. Removable screwdriver bit adapter
6. 2.5” Blade for Official World Scout Knife
7. Spring-loaded, locking needle-nose pliers with wire cutter
8. Removable screwdriver bit holder
9. Phillips head screwdriver bit 0
10. Phillips head screwdriver bit 1
11. Phillips head screwdriver bit 2
12. Flat head screwdriver bit 0.5 mm x 3.5 mm
13. Flat head screwdriver bit 0.6 mm x 4.0 mm
14. Flat head screwdriver bit 1.0 mm x 6.5 mm
15. Magnetized recessed bit holder
16. Double-cut wood saw with ruler (inch & cm)
17. Bike chain rivet setter, removable 5m allen wrench, screwdriver for slotted and Phillips head screws
18. Removable tool for adjusting bike spokes, 10m hexagonal key for nuts
19. Removable 4mm curved allen wrench with Phillips head screwdriver
20. Removable 10mm hexagonal key
21. Patented locking Phillips head screwdriver
22. Universal wrench
23. Laser pointer with 300 ft. range
24. 1.65” Clip point utility blade
25. Metal saw, metal file
26. 4 mm allen wrench
27. 2.5” blade
28. Fine metal file with precision screwdriver
29. Double-cut wood saw
30. Cupped cigar cutter with double-honed edges
31. 12/20-Gauge choke tube tool
32. Watch caseback opening tool
33. Snap shackle
34. Telescopic pointer
35. Compass, straight edge, ruler (in./cm)
36. Mineral crystal magnifier with precision screwdriver
37. 2.4” Springless scissors with serrated, self-sharpening design
38. Shortix key
39. Flashlight
40. Fish scaler, hook disgorger, line guide
41. Micro tool holder
42. Micro tool adapter
43. Micro scraper-straight
44. Reamer
45. Fine fork for watch spring bars
46. Pin punch 1.2 mm
47. Pin punch .8 mm
48. Round needle file
49. Removable tool holder with expandable receptacle
50. Removable tool holder
51. Multi-purpose screwdriver
52. Flat Phillips head screwdriver
53. Flat head screwdriver bit 0.5 mm x 3.5 mm
54. Spring loaded, locking flat nose nose-pliers with wire cutter
55. Phillips head screwdriver bit 0
56. Phillips head screwdriver bit 1
57. Phillips head screwdriver bit 2
58. Flat head screwdriver bit 0.5 mm x 3.5 mm
59. Flat head screwdriver bit 0.6 mm x 4.0 mm
60. Flat head screwdriver bit 1.0 mm x 6.5 mm
61. Can opener
62. Phillips head screwdriver
63. 2.5” Clip point blade
64. Golf club face cleaner
65. 2.4” Round tip blade
66. Patented locking screwdriver, cap lifter, can opener
67. Golf shoe spike wrench
68. Golf divot repair tool
69. Micro straight-curved
70. Special tool holder
71. Phillips head screwdriver 1.5mm
72. Screwdriver 1.2 mm
73. Screwdriver .8 mm
74. Mineral crystal magnifier, fork for watch spring bars, small ruler
75. Removable screwdriver bit holder
76. Magnetized recessed bit holder
77. Tire tread gauge
78. Reamer/awl
79. Patented locking screwdriver, cap lifter, wire stripper
80. Special Key
81. Toothpick
82. Tweezers
83. Adapter
84. Key ring
85. Second key ring
Posted by:Zenster

#27  I'd rather have a sonic screwdriver

Just get some vodka and orange juice up to near Mach velocities and bottoms up.
Posted by: Zenster   2006-08-28 23:55  

#26  Bound to happen eventually - a STARS WARS SWISS ARMY KNIFE. Might as well be now. Surprised it doesn't fold out into a laptop or rocket launcher, etc which I suspect will come in time. Sniff, sniff, will RAMBO use it???
Posted by: JosephMendiola   2006-08-28 23:05  

#25  But does it make coffee???
Posted by: 49 Pan   2006-08-28 22:34  

#24  I'd rather have a sonic screwdriver
Posted by: DMFD   2006-08-28 20:39  

#23  the perfect gift for the man who -er- has a 'lot' to compensate for....
Posted by: CrazyFool   2006-08-28 18:07  

#22  What, no surface-to-air missiles?
Posted by: mojo   2006-08-28 17:52  

#21  What the hell is a Shortix Key?
Posted by: Parabellum   2006-08-28 17:33  

#20  Having lots of spare time on My paws, I noticed that items #55-60 duplicate #9-14, and #7 and #54, and #53 duplicates #58.
Posted by: Jackal   2006-08-28 15:55  

#19   I, for one, want to see how they fit a flashlight into this Army knife.

White light LED with aspirin battery in the handle.
Posted by: Zenster   2006-08-28 15:13  

#18  Click Pic for answer.

Sweet merciful crap, RD! That thing looks like some tech nerds were given $10 million to build a pantomime horse.
Posted by: Zenster   2006-08-28 15:12  

#17  Yes, but face it, when confronted with an attacker, all you have to do is open up all of the blades and throw it at him. Something's bound to stick. But be sure you have at least five minutes to unfold all the blades.

RD, thank you for posting the image.
Posted by: Zenster   2006-08-28 15:05  

#16  No .50 Cal machinegun timing and headspace gauge either.
Posted by: Besoeker   2006-08-28 14:21  

#15  no feeler gauge for setting the points on a big block 67 Mustang????
Posted by: USN, ret.   2006-08-28 14:19  

#14  The Mother of All army knives.
Posted by: Besoeker   2006-08-28 13:51  

#13  Does it fold up ?
Posted by: wxjames   2006-08-28 13:29  

#12  Stick it in the front pocket of a pair of tight jeans and find out.
Posted by: Nimble Spemble   2006-08-28 13:28  

#11  Yes, but will it improve my sex-appeal?
Posted by: anonymous5089   2006-08-28 12:55  

#10  And what a bargain at only $1,200. (US)
Posted by: DepotGuy   2006-08-28 11:59  

#9  I, for one, want to see how they fit a flashlight into this Army knife.

Al
Posted by: Frozen Al   2006-08-28 11:59  

#8  A man like flint?

BTW this would never make it through airport security but they might die laughing when they see it.
Posted by: 3dc   2006-08-28 10:27  

#7  ...I'm reminded of Derek Flint's watch, which had 87 separate functions - 88 if you included wanting to know what time it was. :)

Mike
Posted by: Mike Kozlowski   2006-08-28 09:10  

#6  
Does it come with a backpack to lug the 67 pound monster tool around?


Click Pic for answer.



Posted by: RD   2006-08-28 09:06  

#5  Just how would you get a grip on that thing? The most useful function is the unstated no. 86, the paperweight.
Posted by: Grunter   2006-08-28 08:45  

#4  What? No Spoon or Fork? What's an army knife without a spoon or fork? Or even a spork?

Pretenders!

(And a lot of items on the list seem to be repeated.)
Posted by: CrazyFool   2006-08-28 08:22  

#3  What! No aluminum foil helmet crimping tool! This is an outrage!
Posted by: bigjim-ky   2006-08-28 07:08  

#2  Does it come with a backpack to lug the 67 pound monster tool around?
Posted by: DanNY   2006-08-28 06:53  

#1  Sorry, I selected Short Attention Span Theater but didn't re-sort it out of WOT. Please move.
Posted by: Zenster   2006-08-28 05:45  

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