Submit your comments on this article |
-Short Attention Span Theater- |
Army Knife Eats New York City! |
2006-08-28 |
I didn't really want to post an advertisement here at Rantburg, but this was nigh well irresistable. Sadly, it's a Wenger and not Victorinox, so there's no way I'd even consider buying it, but it has to be seen to be believed. If a moderator could please insert the black background photo from the website below my header text, I'd appreciate it. The Most Incredible Knife Wenger wants you to do one thing: throw out your old knives. Actually, it wants you to do several things: throw out your bike tools, your toiletries, your laser pointer and so on, because you can find all of these instruments in a huge Swiss Army knife, which includes every tool the company makes. Wenger is calling the contraption “Giant Knife Version 1.0.” It debuted with all 85 features and can perform hundreds of functions. Who doesn’t need a cigar cutter next to a bicycle chain rivet setter next to a golf divot repair tool? Wenger is on to something with this everyman’s gadget. It wouldn’t be a knife, though, without a blade, so Wenger put seven in the line-up. And it wouldn’t be Swiss Army unless it came with tweezers and a toothpick. (They’re included, too.) Here are all 85 tools included in Giant Knife, Version 1.0: 1. 2.5” 60% Serrated locking blade 2. Nail file, nail cleaner 3. Corkscrew 4. Adjustable pliers with wire crimper and cutter 5. Removable screwdriver bit adapter 6. 2.5” Blade for Official World Scout Knife 7. Spring-loaded, locking needle-nose pliers with wire cutter 8. Removable screwdriver bit holder 9. Phillips head screwdriver bit 0 10. Phillips head screwdriver bit 1 11. Phillips head screwdriver bit 2 12. Flat head screwdriver bit 0.5 mm x 3.5 mm 13. Flat head screwdriver bit 0.6 mm x 4.0 mm 14. Flat head screwdriver bit 1.0 mm x 6.5 mm 15. Magnetized recessed bit holder 16. Double-cut wood saw with ruler (inch & cm) 17. Bike chain rivet setter, removable 5m allen wrench, screwdriver for slotted and Phillips head screws 18. Removable tool for adjusting bike spokes, 10m hexagonal key for nuts 19. Removable 4mm curved allen wrench with Phillips head screwdriver 20. Removable 10mm hexagonal key 21. Patented locking Phillips head screwdriver 22. Universal wrench 23. Laser pointer with 300 ft. range 24. 1.65” Clip point utility blade 25. Metal saw, metal file 26. 4 mm allen wrench 27. 2.5” blade 28. Fine metal file with precision screwdriver 29. Double-cut wood saw 30. Cupped cigar cutter with double-honed edges 31. 12/20-Gauge choke tube tool 32. Watch caseback opening tool 33. Snap shackle 34. Telescopic pointer 35. Compass, straight edge, ruler (in./cm) 36. Mineral crystal magnifier with precision screwdriver 37. 2.4” Springless scissors with serrated, self-sharpening design 38. Shortix key 39. Flashlight 40. Fish scaler, hook disgorger, line guide 41. Micro tool holder 42. Micro tool adapter 43. Micro scraper-straight 44. Reamer 45. Fine fork for watch spring bars 46. Pin punch 1.2 mm 47. Pin punch .8 mm 48. Round needle file 49. Removable tool holder with expandable receptacle 50. Removable tool holder 51. Multi-purpose screwdriver 52. Flat Phillips head screwdriver 53. Flat head screwdriver bit 0.5 mm x 3.5 mm 54. Spring loaded, locking flat nose nose-pliers with wire cutter 55. Phillips head screwdriver bit 0 56. Phillips head screwdriver bit 1 57. Phillips head screwdriver bit 2 58. Flat head screwdriver bit 0.5 mm x 3.5 mm 59. Flat head screwdriver bit 0.6 mm x 4.0 mm 60. Flat head screwdriver bit 1.0 mm x 6.5 mm 61. Can opener 62. Phillips head screwdriver 63. 2.5” Clip point blade 64. Golf club face cleaner 65. 2.4” Round tip blade 66. Patented locking screwdriver, cap lifter, can opener 67. Golf shoe spike wrench 68. Golf divot repair tool 69. Micro straight-curved 70. Special tool holder 71. Phillips head screwdriver 1.5mm 72. Screwdriver 1.2 mm 73. Screwdriver .8 mm 74. Mineral crystal magnifier, fork for watch spring bars, small ruler 75. Removable screwdriver bit holder 76. Magnetized recessed bit holder 77. Tire tread gauge 78. Reamer/awl 79. Patented locking screwdriver, cap lifter, wire stripper 80. Special Key 81. Toothpick 82. Tweezers 83. Adapter 84. Key ring 85. Second key ring |
Posted by:Zenster |
#27 I'd rather have a sonic screwdriver Just get some vodka and orange juice up to near Mach velocities and bottoms up. |
Posted by: Zenster 2006-08-28 23:55 |
#26 Bound to happen eventually - a STARS WARS SWISS ARMY KNIFE. Might as well be now. Surprised it doesn't fold out into a laptop or rocket launcher, etc which I suspect will come in time. Sniff, sniff, will RAMBO use it??? |
Posted by: JosephMendiola 2006-08-28 23:05 |
#25 But does it make coffee??? |
Posted by: 49 Pan 2006-08-28 22:34 |
#24 I'd rather have a sonic screwdriver |
Posted by: DMFD 2006-08-28 20:39 |
#23 the perfect gift for the man who -er- has a 'lot' to compensate for.... |
Posted by: CrazyFool 2006-08-28 18:07 |
#22 What, no surface-to-air missiles? |
Posted by: mojo 2006-08-28 17:52 |
#21 What the hell is a Shortix Key? |
Posted by: Parabellum 2006-08-28 17:33 |
#20 Having lots of spare time on My paws, I noticed that items #55-60 duplicate #9-14, and #7 and #54, and #53 duplicates #58. |
Posted by: Jackal 2006-08-28 15:55 |
#19 I, for one, want to see how they fit a flashlight into this Army knife. White light LED with aspirin battery in the handle. |
Posted by: Zenster 2006-08-28 15:13 |
#18 Click Pic for answer. Sweet merciful crap, RD! That thing looks like some tech nerds were given $10 million to build a pantomime horse. |
Posted by: Zenster 2006-08-28 15:12 |
#17 Yes, but face it, when confronted with an attacker, all you have to do is open up all of the blades and throw it at him. Something's bound to stick. But be sure you have at least five minutes to unfold all the blades. RD, thank you for posting the image. |
Posted by: Zenster 2006-08-28 15:05 |
#16 No .50 Cal machinegun timing and headspace gauge either. |
Posted by: Besoeker 2006-08-28 14:21 |
#15 no feeler gauge for setting the points on a big block 67 Mustang???? |
Posted by: USN, ret. 2006-08-28 14:19 |
#14 The Mother of All army knives. |
Posted by: Besoeker 2006-08-28 13:51 |
#13 Does it fold up ? |
Posted by: wxjames 2006-08-28 13:29 |
#12 Stick it in the front pocket of a pair of tight jeans and find out. |
Posted by: Nimble Spemble 2006-08-28 13:28 |
#11 Yes, but will it improve my sex-appeal? |
Posted by: anonymous5089 2006-08-28 12:55 |
#10 And what a bargain at only $1,200. (US) |
Posted by: DepotGuy 2006-08-28 11:59 |
#9 I, for one, want to see how they fit a flashlight into this Army knife. Al |
Posted by: Frozen Al 2006-08-28 11:59 |
#8 A man like flint? BTW this would never make it through airport security but they might die laughing when they see it. |
Posted by: 3dc 2006-08-28 10:27 |
#7 ...I'm reminded of Derek Flint's watch, which had 87 separate functions - 88 if you included wanting to know what time it was. :) Mike |
Posted by: Mike Kozlowski 2006-08-28 09:10 |
#6 Does it come with a backpack to lug the 67 pound monster tool around? Click Pic for answer. |
Posted by: RD 2006-08-28 09:06 |
#5 Just how would you get a grip on that thing? The most useful function is the unstated no. 86, the paperweight. |
Posted by: Grunter 2006-08-28 08:45 |
#4 What? No Spoon or Fork? What's an army knife without a spoon or fork? Or even a spork? Pretenders! (And a lot of items on the list seem to be repeated.) |
Posted by: CrazyFool 2006-08-28 08:22 |
#3 What! No aluminum foil helmet crimping tool! This is an outrage! |
Posted by: bigjim-ky 2006-08-28 07:08 |
#2 Does it come with a backpack to lug the 67 pound monster tool around? |
Posted by: DanNY 2006-08-28 06:53 |
#1 Sorry, I selected Short Attention Span Theater but didn't re-sort it out of WOT. Please move. |
Posted by: Zenster 2006-08-28 05:45 |