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-Short Attention Span Theater-
Possible signoffs for Katie Couric
2006-09-07
ScrappleFace
(2006-09-06) — Americans last night rushed to the aid of debutante CBS News anchor Katie Couric to help her develop a distinctive ’sign off’ for her evening newscast. According to a source at CBS, the network already has 10 “hot candidates” for what journalists consider the most important element of any TV news program.

The multimillionaire media veteran ended her premier show last night by asking the viewer to suggest a sign-off that would rival Walter Cronkite’s immortal phrase “…and that’s the way it is” or Dan Rather’s simple but profound word: “Courage.”

The plea for help from the viewer comes after months of research by the CBS News staff failed to turn up a suitable way to end the show that would “convey the significance of this massive journalistic enterprise,” the unnamed source said.

According to a leaked internal memo, here are the top 10 viewer-suggested Katie Couric sign-offs ranked according to frequency of suggestion:

10. “Well, there’s 22 minutes of your life you can never get back.”
9. “News pH balanced. We report. You admire.”
8. “I hope to see you tomorrow night, because all I see tonight is the TelePromTer.”
7. “I’m Katie Couric, and that’s the way it is at the DNC.”
6. “That’s the news and I mean it. Does anybody want a peanut?”
5. “I’m Katie Couric and this is one sweet gig!”
4. “If you stand up for a few minutes now, you won’t get so many sofa sores.”
3. “Now you know what to think. But you don’t really have to.”
2. “Why read the news online when I get paid millions to do it for you?”
1. “What makes a muskrat guard its musk?”
Posted by:Korora

#16  How about, I'm Katie Couroc, the latest snowjob story for the Media to stuff down the sheepish American's gulllet
Posted by: bk   2006-09-07 08:27  

#15  Who the hell has the time to watch network news?

I have much more important, pressing, productive things to do from 6:30 to 7 each night.

Watching oil paint dry, for example.
Posted by: Barbara Skolaut   2006-09-07 22:54  

#14  Katie Couric - The Bambi Stokes Hymington of broadcast news.

BTW - Where's old Bambi - I miss her!
Posted by: WTF   2006-09-07 22:49  

#13  "Does this job make my head look too fat to you?"
Posted by: WTF   2006-09-07 22:30  

#12  That's the news as I see it.
Posted by: wxjames   2006-09-07 12:03  

#11  To paraphrase the famous Dr. Peter Venkman from Ghostbusters II -

You know, I'm a viewer. Aren't you supposed to lie to me and kiss my butt?
Posted by: Elmeamp Hupaque9699   2006-09-07 09:21  

#10  Damn. I missed her last night.
Tune in again tomorrow when I say, "Damn. I missed her last night."
Posted by: tu3031   2006-09-07 09:10  

#9  "Feelings!"
Posted by: mrp   2006-09-07 09:06  

#8  She should try the slogan of one of the contractors in our neighborhood, "We lie the least.

Nimble, just remember if you open your end of the contract then my end is open too!! :-)
Posted by: RD   2006-09-07 08:41  

#7  "Tune in again tomorrow night to See BS News."
Posted by: Snesing Glomoting5887   2006-09-07 08:36  

#6  She should try the slogan of one of the contractors in our neighborhood, "We lie the least."
Posted by: Nimble Spemble   2006-09-07 08:00  

#5  Hopefully it will be "I won't tell lies like Dan Rather did"
Posted by: Bright Pebbles   2006-09-07 07:57  

#4  I got her sign-off, its my off button
Posted by: Captain America   2006-09-07 01:07  

#3  New cBS sign off..

shhh. hush...


And that's the way it is folks 2 yards up inside my colon.
Posted by: Katie Couric   2006-09-07 00:45  

#2  "Make bad news, if you hate this smile."
Posted by: Snease Shaiting3550   2006-09-07 00:41  

#1  How about "I'm Katie Couric. Like me, damn you!"?
Posted by: mcsegeek1   2006-09-07 00:10  

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