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-Short Attention Span Theater-
Newlywed trampled to death by bull elephant
2006-10-03
Elephants, why do they trample us?
A British tourist on honeymoon in Kenya was trampled to death by a herd of elephants as his wife looked on.
Bummer
Patrick Smith was killed when the animals he and his wife, Julie, were watching in the Masai Mara National Reserve were startled and stampeded. The couple, both aged 34 and from South London, had been married for one week. Along with their Masai guide, the couple had set off from the luxury RichardÂ’s Camp lodge, where they were staying, early on Sunday morning for a bush walk.
"Honey, what would you like to do this morning?"
"How about we take a walk through the thorn bushes before the lions wake up and sneak up on some elephants?"
"Oh, Pat, how romantic!"
They had gone a short distance when the tragedy happened. Remaining downwind, they approached nine elephants. But something startled the herd and the elephants charged towards them.
You do know how to stop elephants from charging, don't you? Take away their credit cards. (rimshot) Thank you, I'll be here all week.
While Mr Smith was unable to flee the animals, his wife and their guide managed to jump out of the way.
"Air Jordans, don't fail us now!"

It is believed that Mr Smith was trampled by a lone bull.
And is now the answer to that old schoolyard question, "What's the stuff between elephants toes?"
Jake Grieves-Cook, chairman of the Kenya Tourist Board, said that the elephants had shown no signs of aggressive behaviour before they charged. “This was truly a tragic accident and on behalf of the tourism fraternity in Kenya we wish to express our deepest sympathy and sincere condolences to the wife and family of the visitor who died,” he said.

“Elephants have poor eyesight so they probably weren’t even aware the humans were there. This was not an attack. It was all unprovoked and all we can say is that it was a very tragic accident.”
"They are good elephants, kind to their mothers, never hurt anyone."

Mrs Smith and her husbandÂ’s body were later flown to the capital, Nairobi, by the countryÂ’s flying doctor service. Mrs Smith was expected to return to Britain yesterday.
Patrick will be mailed at a flat rate
The British High Commission said that officials had contacted Mr SmithÂ’s family to inform them of the death.

Connie Maina, a spokeswoman for the Kenya Wildlife Service, said: “It is very unusual . . . but accidents can happen. “We will try to monitor, to see if we can get any leads. If it is a rogue elephant it may do this again, but we don’t have any information on whether it is or not.”
Kenyan FBI is searching for a lone white elephant.
Posted by:Steve

#14  Proving once again that you don't have to be faster than the predator, you just have to be faster than the person you're with.
Posted by: gorb   2006-10-03 22:56  

#13  the AoS also sells keyboard replacements at AoS.Crossfires.com/keyboards
Posted by: Frank G   2006-10-03 14:32  

#12  " Patrick will be mailed at a flat rate " Deserves a Coffee Alert! dammit, now the 'Q'key probably won't work again.
Posted by: USN, ret.   2006-10-03 14:08  

#11  According to Peter Hathaway Capstick, professional hunter and writer, the biggest killer of humans in Africa is the crocodile. In his great book, Death in the Long Grass, he states;

"By the most conservative estimates of professional researchers, something approximating ten human beings are dragged off to a death horrible beyond description each day in modern Africa."
Posted by: Steve   2006-10-03 14:04  

#10  At Richard's Camp guests have the opportunity to experience the real Africa; days of heart-stomping stopping game viewing and evenings enjoying cocktails by a camp fire and delicious 3 course meals under an awe-inspiring canopy of stars.

A truly traditional experience enhanced by modern day amenities -rarely has sleeping under canvas been made so comfortable. Each of the 6 individually decorated tents has en-suite flush loo, heated shower and 24 hour solar lighting. Choose the Lion luxury tent, Cape Buffalo, Rhino, Gazelle, Jackal, or Oliphant.

Richard's Camp is small, private and exclusive offering a rare and unique opportunity to savour the Mara's riches within a very personal environment, perfect for small groups and family holidays, honeymoons.

Richard's Camp is owned and operated by Richard Roberts and his girlfriend, designer Liz Fusco who moved to Kenya in 1993. Richard was raised in the Masai Mara from the age of 3 and has developed an intimate knowledge of this area and its people. Dick is still working on his knowledge of large game habits and herd-think.

Sorry, no discounts for pre-mature, celestial departures. Hope you have a smashing good time!
Posted by: Besoeker   2006-10-03 12:30  

#9  Newlywed trampled to death by bull elephant


'O so very sorry.. my bad..
But Patrick Smith was very eggie, shape wise that is.

("They taunted. They teased him. They yelled 'How Absurd! Old Horton the Elephant thinks he's a bird!'")

I meant what I said, and I said what I meant An elephant's faithful, 100%.

/thatr good-for-nothing bird lazy Maysie
Posted by: Horton   2006-10-03 12:09  

#8  All together now...

Elephants, why do they hate us?

It shouldn't take until the 8th comment on this thread to attend to this time-honored necessity.
Posted by: Dreadnought   2006-10-03 11:16  

#7  Works for me!... Capturing him and trying to mate him in a zoo to preserve the specy of Marxist African Dictators is not a priority, there's a whole new subspecy now apperaring in south america.
Posted by: anonymous5089   2006-10-03 11:11  

#6  IIUC the rogue animal that's (slowly) killing the most is currently Bob Mugabe. I'd suggest he be put down first
Posted by: Frank G   2006-10-03 11:06  

#5  Vigilante elephants

Marauding elephants

Fat, lazy elephant.

Cripple elephant.

Rampaging elephants.

Rogue elephants.

Alcoholic elephants.

Bootlegers elephants.
Posted by: anonymous5089   2006-10-03 11:06  

#4  IIRC, elephants are the animals which kill the most in africa, followed by hippopotames, and lions (needs confirmation, tidbits more or less remembered from teevee); their territories interfere with human fields, and they gorge on the cultures; when they're contraried, they charge, and they sometimes even invade villages to loot reserves... anyone recall stories of (asian, I think) elephants getting drunk with the liquor stash of villagers, and not accidentally, I mean?
Posted by: anonymous5089   2006-10-03 10:57  

#3  Elephants are Animals of Peace.
Posted by: JFM   2006-10-03 10:45  

#2  You say the nicest things, Sea.
Posted by: Steve   2006-10-03 10:40  

#1  Steve you are a very evil man.
Posted by: Seafarious   2006-10-03 10:16  

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