by Scott Ott

That'd be Scrappleface...

(2006-10-02) — White House sources today said that President George Bush, under increasing pressure to ‘win the peace’ in Iraq, will fire embattled Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld, and nominate Washington Post reporter Bob Woodward as his replacement.

The unnamed sources said the president made the decision after reading Mr. Woodward’s new book “State of Denial.”

“It’s clear that Bob Woodward gets more solid information from people at the Pentagon, State Department, National Security Council and White House than Rumsfeld does,” said one anonymous official. “Rummy and Bush are arrogant and work in a vacuum which leads to bad decisions. Everybody talks to Woodward, plus he’s humble and nobody has a better grasp on what would have worked in a given situation.”

Mr. Woodward declined to comment for the record, but unnamed associates said the venerated journalist would “jump at the chance to use his fabled powers of hindsight to lead the Pentagon. Plus it would allow him to work more closely with all of his unnamed friends in the top echelons of government.”

Bob Woodward is best-known for a series of anonymously-sourced articles he wrote with Carl Bernstein more than three decades ago that resulted in a movie starring Robert Redford and Dustin Hoffman.