#6 Second Bruce Goodday, Bruce!
First Bruce Oh, Hello Bruce!
Third Bruce How are yer Bruce?
First Bruce Bit crook, Bruce.
Second Bruce Where's Bruce?
First Bruce He's not here, Bruce.
Third Bruce Blimey, s'hot in here, Bruce.
First Bruce S'hot enough to boil a monkey's bum!
Second Bruce That's a strange expression, Bruce.
First Bruce Well Bruce, I heard the Prime Minister use it. S'hot enough to boil a monkey's bum in 'ere, your Majesty,' he said and she smiled quietly to herself.
Third Bruce She's a good Sheila, Bruce and not at all stuck up.
Second Bruce Ah, here comes the Bossfella now! - how are you, Bruce?
Enter fourth Bruce with English person, Michael
Fourth Bruce Goodday, Bruce, Hello Bruce, how are you, Bruce? Gentlemen, I'd like to introduce a chap from pommie land... who'll be joining us this year here in the Philosophy Department of the University of Woolamaloo.
All Goodday.
Fourth Bruce Michael Baldwin - this is Bruce. Michael Baldwin - this is Bruce. Michael Baldwin - this is Bruce.
First Bruce Is your name not Bruce, then?
Michael No, it's Michael.
Second Bruce That's going to cause a little confusion.
Third Bruce Mind if we call you 'Bruce' to keep it clear?
Fourth Bruce Well, Gentlemen, I think we'd better start the meeting. Before we start, though, I'll ask the padre for a prayer.
First Bruce snaps a plastic dog-collar round his neck. They all lower their heads.
First Bruce Oh Lord, we beseech thee, have mercy on our faculty, Amen!!
All Amen!
Fourth Bruce Crack the tubes, right! (Third Bruce starts opening beer cans) Er, Bruce, I now call upon you to welcome Mr. Baldwin to the Philosophy Department.
Second Bruce I'd like to welcome the pommy bastard to God's own earth, and I'd like to remind him that we don't like stuck-up sticky-beaks here.
All Hear, hear! Well spoken, Bruce!
Fourth Bruce Now, Bruce teaches classical philosophy, Bruce teaches Haegelian philosophy, and Bruce here teaches logical positivism, and is also in charge of the sheepdip.
Third Bruce What's does new Bruce teach?
Fourth Bruce New Bruce will be teaching political science - Machiavelli, Bentham, Locke, Hobbes, Sutcliffe, Bradman, Lindwall, Miller, Hassett, and Benet.
Second Bruce Those are cricketers, Bruce!
Fourth Bruce Oh, spit!
Third Bruce Howls of derisive laughter, Bruce!
Fourth Bruce In addition, as he's going to be teaching politics, I've told him he's welcome to teach any of the great socialist thinkers, provided he makes it clear that they were wrong.
They all stand up.
All Australia, Australia, Australia, Australia, we love you. Amen!
They sit down.
Fourth Bruce Any questions?
Second Bruce New Bruce - are you a pooftah?
Fourth Bruce Are you a pooftah?
Michael No!
Fourth Bruce No right, well gentlemen, I'll just remind you of the faculty rules: Rule one - no pooftahs. Rule two, no member of the faculty is to maltreat the Abbos in any way whatsoever - if there's anybody watching. Rule three - no pooftahs. Rule four - I don't want to catch anyone not drinking in their room after lights out. Rule five - no pooftahs. Rule six - there is no rule six! Rule seven - no pooftahs. That concludes the reading of the rules, Bruce.
First Bruce This here's the wattle - the emblem of our land. You can stick it in a bottle or you can hold it in your hand.
All Amen!
Fourth Bruce Gentlemen, at six o'clock I want every man-Bruce of you in the Sydney Harbour Bridge room to take a glass of sherry with the flying philosopher, Bruce, and I call upon you, padre, to close the meeting with a prayer.
First Bruce Oh Lord, we beseech thee etc. etc. etc., Amen.
All Amen!
First Bruce Right, let's get some Sheilas.
An Aborigine servant bursts in with an enormous tray full of enormous steaks.
Fourth Bruce OK.
Second Bruce Ah, elevenses.
Third Bruce This should tide us over 'til lunchtime.
Second Bruce Reckon so, Bruce.
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More than 70 Nigerians were burnt to death when a tanker truck caught fire while they were gathering fuel that was spilling out of it, police in northern Kaduna state said on Wednesday. Crowds of local villagers had gathered with buckets and jerry cans after the truck carrying 33,000 litres of fuel went out of control and crashed onto its side. The victims were buried in a mass grave hours after the disaster. “The accident happened on Monday evening. About an hour after the crash petrol started oozing out of the tanker so the local villagers decided to scoop. More than 70 lives were lost,” said Kaduna state police spokesman Saad Yahaya. He said the driver of the truck had tried to warn the villagers about the danger of getting close to the tanker but they had ignored his advice. Such tragedies are common in Nigeria, where poverty and recurrent fuel shortages make the lure of free petrol irresistible to many.