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| -Lurid Crime Tales- |
| Duh.. Crash Corzine™ was going too fast |
| 2007-04-19 |
| NEW YORK (Fortune) -- When the story first came out, the only appropriate response was sympathy. Jon Corzine, the well-regarded governor of New Jersey and former co-CEO of Goldman Sachs (Charts, Fortune 500), was critically injured last week in an accident on the Garden State Parkway. He was flown by helicopter to a hospital in Camden with a broken leg, collarbone, a dozen ribs, and other injuries. owwww dat hurtz...and dat too.. owww The initial description of the incident steered the blame away from Corzine and focused attention on another driver. According to newspaper reports based on accounts by authorities, the Chevy Suburban in which Corzine was riding hit a guardrail on the parkway after swerving to avoid another driver in a red pickup truck who was pulling off the shoulder. Corzine was thrown from the front seat of the vehicle into the back seat and badly beaten up. biff.. smack..thump..crunch.. snap Bwaaaaa Fact Number One: Why was Corzine thrown around the inside of the vehicle? Simple - he wasn't wearing a seat belt. "It was not his habit," said a former aide, Scott Kisch, to Newsday. Not, not wearing a seat belt *WAZ* a bad habit. Not wearing a seat belt happens to be a violation of New Jersey state law. It is also beyond stupid. I won't drive down my driveway to the mailbox without buckling up. mailbox you say? No shiite? well that's just plain stoopid. Fact Number Two: Corzine was going too fast - way too fast. absolutely brilliant! now dey don't make 'em like dey used to. Getr that man a Pulitzer! When originally questioned about the accident, Corzine's driver, a state trooper, had told investigators he didn't know how fast he was driving. A state police official added that speed was "not a factor" in the accident. But a crash data recorder in the Suburban told another story. It turns out that Corzine was leading a two-car caravan with emergency lights flashing that was going down the road at 91 miles per hour. The speed limit on the parkway is 65 mph. "with emergency lights flashing" oh now that chaps my hide bawaaa, and i'll bet the lucky dawg waz making siren sounds too bawaaa! Fact Number Three: The state police driver had been involved in four - count 'em, four - previous accidents, two while on duty. One hopes that Corzine selects better-qualified people for other state jobs. Bwaaaaaaa! Fact Number Four: Police caught up with the driver of that red pickup they said caused the accident. But it turns out he wasn't responsible. He had pulled over the side of the road to make way for Corzine's motorcade, its lights blaring. When he swerved back on the road, another pickup truck behind him swerved to avoid hitting him, and collided with the Suburban. The driver of the second truck wasn't to blame, either. you means it waz dat copper and the Gubnor's fault all along! Concluded the New York Times, from which much of this account was gleaned: "It now seems clear that Mr. Corzine's own vehicle was responsible for the crash." NYT, all that's fit to [excuse my French] shit. Red Dog |
| Posted by:The Regents of the University |