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| -Short Attention Span Theater- | |
| Rosie O'Donnell: "Bush almost killed me!!!!" | |
| 2008-02-05 | |
(Emphasis added.)
It was 2000, and the Republican National Convention was on television. The whole affair felt something like a home invasion, with a chronically smirking and arrogant George W. Bush as ringleader. "I was trapped, helpless. I groped for the remote, but I could! Not! Change! The channel! (How did Karl Rove reprogram it? Was there nothing he couldn't do?) Desperate, I lunged for the power switch, but it was just out of reach. Damn you, Magnavox--damn you!" Not wishing to be robbed of my optimism and hope at the time -- or to tumble into depression and despair -- I shut off the TV and decided to go fishing. (Audience participation segment: as you read the next two paragraphs, bum the theme from Jaws: "Dum-dum dum-dum dum-dum dum-dum DAAAA-DUMP! DAAAA-DUMP! Dum-dum dum-dum dum-dum dum-dum . . .") I needed gear, so I went to the store and bought a few things, including a knife, which I used to cut the price tags off of the fishing poles. "Look out! She's got a knife!" Now, I could have stabbed myself 100 times in the hand and not managed to do the damage I did with that one poke to the inside of my middle finger. I went all out, though, and got everything -- skin, ligaments, tendons, nerves. (Cue Psycho violins.) Maximum impact, including a particularly nasty staph infection that almost left me dead. "The finger I needed to express my defiance of Chimpy McHitlerburton was rendered useless. Later that year, during the Florida hanging chad crisis, I couldn't flip him off when my country really needed me to make a rude public gesture. To this day, I wonder, might one simple 'F-U' have saved Al Gore's campaign, prevented 9/11, stopped global warming?" That's my personal war story from the demoralizing Bush years, and probably a minor one . . . . Still, it hurt like hell, and the scars and swelling are there as a reminder. I was right to feel repulsed by Bush. . . . "Oddly, though, I feel empowered by the experience. I want to shout my defiance! Is that all you got? You hear me, you jew-loving heteronormatative goose-stepping-neocon Texas oilman-death beast? Your Mossad assassins with their boobytrapped $9.98 Bass Pro Shops fishing knife couldn't take me down! I'm still here, I'm still a lesbian, and I'm still flippin' you off!" | |
| Posted by:Mike |
| #16 Mike, intent was not to insult val or kirstie or any other WW poster girl...simply stating that the only other gig rosie might remotely have a chance at is taken. BTW - I also don't blame val for the self-aggrandizing POS her hubbie eddie vh turned into after about 1985....... |
| Posted by: Broadhead6 2008-02-05 22:47 |
| #15 Not Scrappleface, KBK. Ms. O'Donnell wrote that with her own little wounded fingers. |
| Posted by: trailing wife 2008-02-05 21:52 |
| #14 hm, not scrappleface?? |
| Posted by: KBK 2008-02-05 21:15 |
| #13 Lemme see here, so this was during the GOP convention in 2000? Wouldn't that have been during the (ahem) Clinton administration? |
| Posted by: MW 2008-02-05 20:36 |
| #12 If it had been Cheney instead of Bush, then we wouldn't have to put up with her anymore. Cheney '08! |
| Posted by: Darrell 2008-02-05 19:49 |
| #11 lol |
| Posted by: sinse 2008-02-05 19:21 |
| #10 Rosie is so stupid she can't care for a wound, or, even worse, too stupid to realize that a deep wound might need medical attention. And when it started to turn -- getting red, puffy, and tender -- she didn't have the brains to get medical help then. I'm thinking the strap-on prevented peeing on the open wound OK - I'll go to my room... |
| Posted by: Frank G 2008-02-05 19:03 |
| #9 OK... so let me get this right... Rosie is so stupid she can't care for a wound, or, even worse, too stupid to realize that a deep wound might need medical attention. And when it started to turn -- getting red, puffy, and tender -- she didn't have the brains to get medical help then. *sigh* I once remarked to my mother that the "flesh-eating virus" scare had more to do with people not properly caring for wounds than with any new organisms. A few weeks later, she pointed out a news story that, yep, doctors were saying that people needed to, oh, wash out cuts, apply antibiotics and bandage them. |
| Posted by: Rob Crawford 2008-02-05 18:51 |
| #8 Mike, keyword = was. |
| Posted by: twobyfour 2008-02-05 18:26 |
| #7 Broadhead, that comment was beyond the pale. There is no comparison between Rosie and Valerie Bertinelli. Valerie Bertinelli was hot in her younger years. Don't you ever insult Valerie like that again. |
| Posted by: Mike 2008-02-05 16:38 |
| #6 "Thanks, Rosie. It still never ceases to amaze me that they can't find a place for a magnificent talent like yourself on national television..." ...Valerie Bertinelli already has weight watchers... |
| Posted by: Broadhead6 2008-02-05 16:17 |
| #5 Too bad he missed. Idiot woman. |
| Posted by: DarthVader 2008-02-05 15:51 |
| #4 Too bad Rosie wasn't trying to cut the tags off her dog collar. We were THIS CLOSE America. |
| Posted by: ed 2008-02-05 15:39 |
| #3 Thanks, Rosie. It still never ceases to amaze me that they can't find a place for a magnificent talent like yourself on national television... |
| Posted by: tu3031 2008-02-05 15:32 |
| #2 'scuse me, Rosie....there's a hair between your teeth. |
| Posted by: wxjames 2008-02-05 15:31 |
| #1 i guess he killed your career instead |
| Posted by: sinse 2008-02-05 15:31 |
