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| -Signs, Portents, and the Weather- |
| America Wracked With Problems |
| 2008-05-16 |
| A nationwide survey conducted over the past month has revealed a troubling statistic concerning the well-being of the American public. The survey was crafted to focus on how individuals were coping with increasingly difficult times. When asked if there were any problems in their lives during the past year, a whopping 97% of respondents replied 'yes'. "We were stunned." said Dr. Phyllis Langley, Executive Director of the National Mental Health Awareness Coalition, co-sponsor of the study. "Some people even reported multiple problems. This is a testament to how challenging life has become under this administration." Lawmakers were quick to point out that there has been no shortage of problem solving pieces of legislation, but few have been enacted into law. "We've drafted hundreds of bills that would have solved thousands of different problems, only to have them vetoed out of mean-spiritedness." said House Speaker Nancy Pelosi. "This administration simply doesn't care that people are struggling." The survey questioned 12,478 adults from every state, with only 365 persons reporting no problems whatsoever. But experts think that number is really much lower. "We think a lot of them [people who reported no problems] were lying - you know, out of embarrassment." said Langley. "So, in reality, I think we've firmly established that everybody has problems." Pelosi promises swift action to stem the spread of these difficulties. "We will continue to search for solutions to this problem crisis." she said. "Maybe we could outsource problems instead of jobs." |
| Posted by:Anonymoose |
| #8 We've drafted hundreds of bills that would have solved thousands of different problems, only to have them vetoed out of mean-spiritedness." said House Speaker Nancy Pelosi. "WE" Mrs speaker? YOU (Democrats)control the votes. |
| Posted by: Redneck Jim 2008-05-16 19:31 |
| #7 Nicely succinct, twobyfour. I like. |
| Posted by: trailing wife 2008-05-16 17:41 |
| #6 Deal with them in order of their degree of importance: Obama, Hillary, McCain. The last one may take a longer time to tackle (4 years) if he first two are eliminated in few months, but it is solvable. |
| Posted by: twobyfour 2008-05-16 15:47 |
| #5 I have three problems right now. Hilary, Obama and McCain. |
| Posted by: DarthVader 2008-05-16 15:38 |
| #4 or are Liberals, who do have serious problems Almost a chicken or egg conundrum. Hard to decide if they have problems because they are Libruls or are Libruls because they have problems. Maybe some Librulfeedback involved, once bootstrapped on the hapless induhvidual. |
| Posted by: twobyfour 2008-05-16 15:34 |
| #3 This piece is satire, but like all good satire it has a strong kernel of truth. Anyone who says they don't have problems has at least one - they are delusional. And I believe most of us really think our problems are tough, important problems - but our grandparents would laugh. Heck, I laugh at what my kids call problems. (Obviously, I generalize, since there are a significant number of people with cancer or war wounds, etc., or are Liberals, who do have serious problems.) |
| Posted by: Glenmore 2008-05-16 15:07 |
| #2 And it's all Bush's fault. |
| Posted by: Nimble Spemble 2008-05-16 14:58 |
| #1 They really find it shocking that the politicians and mega-rich have made day to day living a struggle for us little people? |
| Posted by: Enver Spavish9420 2008-05-16 14:56 |