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| -Short Attention Span Theater- |
| Vicar went to hospital with potato stuck in bottom |
| 2008-11-02 |
| A vicar attended hospital with a potato stuck up his bottom - and claimed it got there after he fell on to the vegetable while naked. "You fell onto a potato while naked?" "Yes." "Raw or cooked?" "Raw." "White or red?" "White." The clergyman, in his 50s, told nurses he had been hanging curtains when he fell backwards on to his kitchen table. "Hanging curtains, were you?" "Yes." "In your window?" "Yes." "With no clothes on?" "Yes." "And you fell?" "Yes. Backwards." "And you landed on the potato?" "Yes." "And the potato at that point entered your bunghole?" "Yes." "Longways or sideways?" "Longways." He happened to be nude at the time of the mishap, said the vicar, who insisted he had not been playing a sex game. "You weren't playing a sex game?" "No, no! Certainly not!" The vicar had to undergo a delicate operation to extract the vegetable, one of a range of odd items medics in Sheffield have had to remove from people's backsides or genitals. "Another one, Dr. Bung!" "Put him over there with the coke bottle and the artillery shell." Others include a can of deodorant, a cucumber, a Russian doll -- and a carnation. "Red, pink or white?" Speaking of the vicar, A & E nurse Trudi Watson, of Sheffield's Northern General Hospital, said: "He explained to me, quite sincerely, he had been hanging curtains naked in the kitchen when he fell backwards on to the kitchen table and on to a potato. But it's not for me to question his story." "No matter how unlikely..." "He had to undergo surgery to have it removed." "Lard!... Shoehorn!... Pliers!" "Aaaaiiiieeee!" She advised anyone tempted to use such objects in sex games to think again. "It can be very dangerous and potentially life-threatening," she said. "If you get a potato stuck in there and it starts to sprout, it's curtains!" "Surgery can lead to infection, nasty scarring, and it could possibly end up with the person having to use a colostomy bag as a result." "You could be mistaken for an unsuccessful shaheed. Think of the harm to your reputation!" A hospital trust spokeswoman in Sheffield said: "Like all busy hospitals we do see some unusual accidents. But our staff deal with them in a discreet, professional and kind way." "And as soon as you're out of sight we laugh our asses off! Those of us who don't have potatoes in them, anyway!" |
| Posted by:john frum |
| #15 a lot of the story line is pretty close to Obama explaining his past associations with Ayers and Wright et al... |
| Posted by: Abu do you love 2008-11-02 22:03 |
| #14 Check your mailbox 'Moose, I'm sending you 3 yards of whole cloth. |
| Posted by: .5MT 2008-11-02 17:41 |
| #13 Artillery shell Actually it looks like a 40mm shell. |
| Posted by: ed 2008-11-02 10:52 |
| #12 I take it the operating instruments included butter and sour cream. |
| Posted by: ed 2008-11-02 10:45 |
| #11 Who comes sliding down the banister ? The vicar in a tutu He's not strange He just wants to live his life this way "Vicar in a Tutu" - The Smiths |
| Posted by: ryuge 2008-11-02 10:39 |
| #10 Years ago, a US medical journal started a rather dry compilation of emergency room statistics reported from around America. Among the statistics emergency rooms had reported that year, one dozen men had reported "slipping in the shower and landing on a lemon." Well, a minor ha-ha. Then the next year, the statistics indicated that one dozen men had reported "slipping in the shower and landing on a lemon." Well, what an amusing coincidence. But then, the third year, it happened again. Exactly one dozen men. Suddenly what had been funny became a top reportable item. Emergency rooms around the country were on alert for any men who had reported that type of accident. There was even some suggestion that spread bets were being taken. But when the numbers were tallied that year, only ten men had suffered that fate. The streak was broken. |
| Posted by: Anonymoose 2008-11-02 09:40 |
| #9 Let me get this straight. He claims he was not playing sex games in the privacy of his house but was standing on a ladder/stool naked in front of the window while hanging curtains? Near the table full of food? I think that's actually worse. The vicar should be run out of town and out of the church for bringing shame and mocking upon them. So sayith the shepard, so sayith the flock. |
| Posted by: rjschwarz 2008-11-02 09:32 |
| #8 Well, at least, it wasn't a gerbil. |
| Posted by: anonymous5089 2008-11-02 09:13 |
| #7 I guess he didn't want to be a dictator. |
| Posted by: bigjim-ky 2008-11-02 08:47 |
| #6 He just wanted to give Lemmiwinks a snack. |
| Posted by: Cornsilk Blondie 2008-11-02 07:21 |
| #5 No word yet from hard pressed, objecting haemorrhoids? |
| Posted by: Besoeker 2008-11-02 07:02 |
| #4 Well someone has to do this. Kramer: Have you ever *met* a proctologist? Well, they usually have a very good sense of humor. You meet a proctologist at a party, don't walk away. *Plant* yourself there, because you will hear the funniest stories you've ever heard. See, no one wants to admit to them that they *stuck* something up there. Never! It's always an accident. Every proctologist story ends in the same way: "It was a million to one shot, Doc. Million to one." |
| Posted by: bruce 2008-11-02 06:46 |
| #3 The Russets are Combing! The Russets are Combing! /Luther Burbank finds new ediable Mushroom |
| Posted by: .5MT 2008-11-02 05:08 |
| #2 Hahahahahaha! snorp.... teh Bishop is in town today... but lawz, now I can't go. I can only throw this facade up for a few hours at a time.... and now BOOM! |
| Posted by: .5MT 2008-11-02 04:40 |
| #1 The eyes of |
| Posted by: GK 2008-11-02 01:37 |