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-Short Attention Span Theater-
Tiger Woods In Sex Rehab In Mississippi
2010-01-16
Step One: No Marvin Gaye songs...
Tiger Woods is getting treatment at a top sex addiction program in Hattiesburg, Miss., sources have told RadarOnline.com exclusively.
"Well, sports fans, I'm off to Hattiesburg to have my sex life rehabbed!"
"G'bye, Tiger! We'll miss you! Here's something to remember us by!"
"Wow! Nice undies! Maybe I should leave tomorrow...?"
The troubled golf great checked into Pine Grove Behavioral Health and Addiction Services, sources say. The clinic, considered one of the top in the nation for sexual addiction, is directed by Dr. Patrick Carnes, who has pioneered treatment for sexually compulsive behavior.
"He looks interested again, Doctor!"
"Nurse! Whack his pee-pee!"
"Owwww!"
"Okay, Trixie! Give 'em another shake!"
According to the Web site for the facility, patients usually spend about six weeks in treatment. Sex addicts receive a variety of treatments, including group therapy,
"Whack all their pee-pees!"
"Owwww!"
"Owwww!"
"Owwww!"
"Owwww!"
"Owwww!"
cognitive behavior therapy and something called "shame reduction."
"I'm so ashamed!"
"Being a horn dog is nothing to be ashamed of, Tiger! Think of it as a treatable condition. And get your hand out of your pants. You'll go crazy."
As RadarOnline.com has previously reported, Woods has not been seen publicly since his infamous car accident in the early morning hours after Thanksgiving after an alleged altercation with his wife Elin after she discovered he was having an affair.
"Say! Ain't that Tiger Woods?"
"Naw. Tiger ain't got a cleft in his chin!"
Since the story first broke, Woods has been romantically linked to more than a dozen women.
"Let's get nekkid!"
"Oh, Tiger! You're so romantic!"
"So let's get linked!"
Posted by:Fred

#15  #14 What's the sex rehab clinic version of methadone?
Posted by: KBK 2010-01-16 17:39


Um, Helen Thomas...?
Posted by: Uncle Phester   2010-01-16 23:38  

#14  What's the sex rehab clinic version of methadone?
Posted by: KBK   2010-01-16 17:39  

#13  Some guys have all the luck ..




Thats me , same lady 19 years .
Posted by: Oscar    2010-01-16 15:53  

#12  Guaranteed to have round heels, tu3031.
Posted by: trailing wife   2010-01-16 12:48  

#11  Probably a good place to pickup chicks...
Posted by: tu3031   2010-01-16 11:35  

#10  If they have someone who looks like Helen Thomas on the staff, I would say that the prognosis is good. If she were to get hands on in a filmy Kimmono for six weeks, Tiger might discover the value of abstinence.
Posted by: Super Hose   2010-01-16 11:35  

#9  Momma used to say that all men are pigs and some men are dogs.
Posted by: Chuck Simmins   2010-01-16 10:35  

#8  Alternative story with irony: Tiger Woods Checks Into Sex Addiction Clinic In Arizona With Plans For a Romantic Valentine's Day (Emphasis Added, UP....) Escape

Source: http://thehappyhospitalist.blogspot.com/2010/01/tiger-woods-checks-into-sex-addiction.html

Posted by: Uncle Phester   2010-01-16 09:56  

#7  And get your hand out of your pants. You'll go crazy blind.

FIFY. Pine Grove doesn't seem like much of a 'boot-camp,' so Tiger is probably safe from an 'attitude adjustment.'
Posted by: Free Radical   2010-01-16 06:10  

#6  Well, it was either the Rehab center or run for the Ted Kennedy Memorial Senate seat and hit bar in Massachusetts. A bit cold in Massachusetts this time of year.
Posted by: Procopius2k   2010-01-16 05:49  

#5  Honestly, I think it's rather nice that a guy can go to a place like this and work on his technique. Wish I could afford the tuition!
Posted by: Dar   2010-01-16 03:53  

#4  We found out last year that Tiger Woods was no Tiger at all, no sir, he is a Tom Cat, always on the prowl.

(Bennett/Burton)


Been working like a dog gone crazy,
Been giving everything I've got,
I need something short and sweet to save me.
A little something that can hit the spot.
I've been living like a man in a prison.
I've been living like a monk in a cave.
I need a woman with a good position.
I start searching at the end of the day.

Pack it in and go to town
When the sun goes down.
And do the Tomcat prowl
When the sun goes down.

I've been punching out a clock since fifteen.
I've Been living on a working wage.
Ya keep paying me and I'll keep lifting.
I keep a-lifting 'til the end of the day.

Then pack it in and go to town
When the sun goes down.
Do the Moondog howl
When the sun goes down.
Do the Tomcat prowl
When the sun goes down.

Gotta find a way to ease that pressure.
Gotta find a way to ease that pain.
Gotta find myself some buried treasure.
Gotta find it before the sun comes up again.

It doesn't matter if you're sane or crazy.
It doesn't matter if you're weak or strong.
It doesn't matter if your past is hazy.
It doesn't matter, you can all come along.

Pack it in and go to town
When the sun goes down.
And do the Tomcat prowl when the sun goes down
(down down down - sun goes down)
Pack it in and go to town when the sun goes down
(sun goes down, yeah)
And do the Tomcat prowl when the sun goes down
Do the Moondog Howl when the sun goes down
Oh .. I'm howlin' baby!
Posted by: Blackbeard Omomock5867   2010-01-16 01:39  

#3  Tiger: "Sex rehab? Sounds like fun. Can bring some of my girlfriends or will they be provided?"
Posted by: gorb   2010-01-16 01:29  

#2  Frank - you owe me a keyboard!
Posted by: 3dc   2010-01-16 00:35  

#1  I bought a "Tiger's favorite 18 holes" DVD, and when I check it out? It's a damn GOLF DVD. WTF?
Posted by: Frank G   2010-01-16 00:19  

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