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China-Japan-Koreas

KCNA guy rehired!

2010-03-25

Check the link: whoever wrote 'sea of fire' a few years back has been rehired! Or else he somehow managed to clear his name and get released from a corrective labor-starvation camp. In this jewel of a long, long discourse, there is this absolute howler --

"It is as clear as a pikestaff that betes noires will make only vituperation just as a crow will never be whiter for often washing."

What? What??

And this one:

The groundless mud-slinging made by those human scum who have become living corpses as politicians censured by the people for their despicable acts of treachery and those anti-DPRK plot breeders who rely on them only betrays their wretched plight as betes noires.

I could never write anything this good.

Hat tip Josh Stanton.

Posted by:Steve White

#20 Pappy, Obama and the Dems will be using that sort of thing soon, so Mike might best hold off. He would get the treatment the nomenklatura get instead of the rationed prole healthcare the rest of us will end up with.

Posted by: OldSpook 2010-03-25 23:27

#19 And trust me on this one, here in South Hwanghae we know from cats' paws!

Heh. Put your resume in to KCNA, Mike. You have talent.

Posted by: Pappy 2010-03-25 18:45

#18 I remember the report that the NORK Ambassador was seen in a DC Wal Mart standing in the food aisle and crying as if his heart was breaking.

Posted by: Redneck Jim 2010-03-25 18:18

#17 ..and the best was saved for last!

and acting cat's paws of anti-reunification elements at home and abroad.

Posted by: Mike Hunt 2010-03-25 14:39

#16 *Holds up Card* 7.5

Horribly lacking in Juche and obligatory a$$-kissing of dear leader.

Though showing some promise, this is clearly an imitator using thesauri from the French as well as the English: KCNA man's unique spin on the English language stood firmly on its own without help from the language of cheese-eating surrender monkeys.

This individual DOES have promise, BUT he must develop a style of his own since his attempt to imitate Ivy League english majors is palpably lame.

Ptah-ORIGINATOR of the Rantburg KCNA Scoring System, and STILL praying for the return of Army First man.

Posted by: Ptah 2010-03-25 14:26

#15 This definitely deserves toasting a Juche screwdriver to the NORK "Defecators" (Pun intended).

Posted by: Elder of Zion 2010-03-25 13:47

#14 Before we get carried away, is there any proof that this is not a random phrase creator of a Nork computer program?

It is as clear as a pikestaff that no mere Markov chain text generator could light the fires of Juche as brightly as the blazing rhetoric of this noble son of Chongsun. The U.S. and the puppet group may pretend that their groundless mud-slinging is anything more than the rhetorical analog of the evaporative residue from your typical South Hwanghae collective farm's sheep-dip pond, but the RSS feed of a Nigerian knockoff Rolex watch blog has more originality. The people of the DPRK and the entire Korean nation will never pardon those wicked human scum busy carrying out the anti-DPRK scenarios worked out by the puppet conservative group and the U.S. and Japanese reactionaries and acting cat's paws of anti-reunification elements at home and abroad. (And trust me on this one, here in South Hwanghae we know from cats' paws!)

Posted by: Mike 2010-03-25 13:37

#13 "Human scum" x 7. That is quality work.

Posted by: tu3031 2010-03-25 13:05

#12 Ask Joe.

Posted by: Beldar Threreling9726 2010-03-25 11:42

#11 Before we get carried away, is there any proof that this is not a random phrase creator of a Nork computer program? The Nork script kiddies might be a bit bored just daily hacking in to Skor computers as to assemble this little bit of entertainment. Just asking?

Posted by: Procopius2k 2010-03-25 10:04

#10 Sounds like the defectors issue has really hit a nerve with the Norks - a sure sign that it's working. Tired of grass soup and bark? Come on down to all the kimchee you can eat in beautiful South Korea!
Given that it's essentially petulence rather than good, old-fashioned revolutionary rhetoric, I'll give it only a 7.5, but at least they're trying.

Posted by: Spot 2010-03-25 08:14

#9 9.0. No mention of Juche.

I'd almost say it was script-written as well, except the remarks about the Crow and Pikestaff (great name for a pub) are sublime.

I missed this stuff... *sniff*

Posted by: Pappy 2010-03-25 07:49

#8 (holds card): 9.0

Gimme some 'capitalist running dog lackeys' and I'll change my score...

Posted by: Raj 2010-03-25 07:47

#7 "...clear as a pikestaff?" This guy is channeling Joseph Smith Jr...

Posted by: imoyaro 2010-03-25 07:03

#6 It is as clear as a pikestaff

I am sooo stealing that!

Posted by: SteveS 2010-03-25 07:03

#5 ...Now THAT is invective. Welcome back, ol' buddy - the next round of grass soup and juche is on me!

Mike

Posted by: Mike Kozlowski 2010-03-25 05:50

#4 Sea of Fire was the title of one of my novels. Great phrase.

betes noires is a bit obscure though. And in the second quote he seems to be confusing betes noires with pied noires. Not that it matters.

Posted by: phil_b 2010-03-25 05:49

#3 Unfortunately for Mr. New-and-Improved Sea of Fire guy, he blew his entire repertory wad on one harangue. So it's back to the re-education camp for some new material.

Posted by: ed 2010-03-25 02:09

#2 Kool! The Sea-of-Fire guy is back. Or maybe its Son-of-Sea-of-Fire Dude!

I give this a 9.5 myself - I think he's still holding back.

And yes! Bark Beer and a big hunk of grass is definately called for.

It brings a tear to my eye...

Posted by: CrazyFool 2010-03-25 00:44

#1 And the composite score is:

*10.125*

Give this man a beer and a big hunk of king salmon!!!!! Welcome back!!!

Ima so happy.......

Posted by: Alaska Paul 2010-03-25 00:07

00:00