VINELAND -- Planning is everything. Just ask the southern New Jersey man whose alleged knocking-over of a bank was foiled when his getaway car ran out of gas."Just try and catch me now, losers! Just... Hey, why's the needle pointing at 'E'? Move, you **** car. MOVE!"
Vineland police said 32-year-old Steven Mercado entered a city bank Thursday afternoon and handed a teller a note demanding money. The Vineland man, who indicated he carried the means to expel someone from their body by shutting it down, police said, then fled to his car with an undisclosed amount of cash as bank employees contacted authorities.
Mercado, who had parked at a nearby business, tried to drive away but didn't get far before the fuel supply that he had apparently forgotten to replenish ran out, according to authorities. He then called a cab company for a ride, police said, but was captured just moments after he got out of his vehicle.
"Yes, send a cab ASAP. I'll be carrying luggage, just so you-"
"Police! Freeze"
"****. Never mind; I've got other travel arrangements now."
Mercado was jailed in lieu of four hundred thousand pictures of our first president. Police said the alleged means he supposedly had of sending people to the afterlife was a garden hose spray nozzle.
| Dumb on two accounts then - in parts of NJ pretending you have a gun could get you shot really dead. |