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-Short Attention Span Theater-
Scientists Find 'Miracle Molecule' In Red Wine, Blueberries
2012-08-21
(CBS) -- There may be another health benefit drinking red wine.
"Ummm? Whuzzat? [Hic!]"
Scientists report a so-called "miracle molecule" found in red wine might help improve mobility and prevent falls among older adults.
"Yersh... [Hic!]... I fin' a coupla quarts o' red wine helpsh me nagiv... nerviv... get aroun' better. [Hic!]... It'sa miracle!"
The ingredient is called 'resveratrol.'
"Thash whuddit is! [Hic!]... It ain' Ripple, it'sh revermatol... 'r somethin' like that..."
Assistant Professor of Pharmacology at Duquesne University Jane Cavanaugh says they tested the effect on laboratory mice.
"Who're you?"
"I'm here to shine up fer the rebbermatol tesht!"
"You ain't a mouse! Beat it before I call a cop!"

"As these animal age, they lose some of their motor coordination. Very similar as to humans do as they age.
"Yersh. I once fell downa flight o' stairs, never felt a thing... Well, the nex' day, sure. But a coupla quarts o' ratspermatall took care of it PDQ..."
And when we gave them out the resveratrol, the older mouse has less loss of motor coordination."
"[Hic!] It keeps the pink elephants and green antelopes away, too... It don't do much good widda polka-dot warthogs, though... Y'gotta sing Akumbe mtatta or somethin' like that..."
Resveratrol is also found in grapes, blueberries and other dark-skinned fruits.
"Shay! Whudder you? Some kinda racist?"
"We just used blueberries in our study and actually when they eat the whole fruit it's actually more effective than the resveratrol alone and you don't need as much."
"'Coursh not. Y'gotta let it ferment firsht..."
A person would have to drink at least a bottle of wine compared to only a handful of fruit to get the same amount.
"Budda quart o' Ripple hash lotsa other good effex..."
Posted by:Fred

#11  That means you were doing it right.
Posted by: Fred   2012-08-21 21:57  

#10  I've been so drunk I've been lying down holding onto the ground in case I fall off it.
Posted by: Bright Pebbles   2012-08-21 21:24  

#9  might help improve mobility and prevent falls among older adults.

Drink until you almost fall.
Posted by: JohnQC   2012-08-21 18:20  

#8  That picture looks like a drunk john Kerry mixing a drink for the ketchup queen.
Posted by: airandee   2012-08-21 15:16  

#7  "Scientists report a so-called "miracle molecule" found in red wine might help improve mobility and prevent falls among older adults. "

On the other hand ...
the alcohol content might tend to work in the other direction.
I guess it's one of those great Catch-22's in life :-)
Posted by: Raider   2012-08-21 13:01  

#6  Should I now eat the birds ?

It only seems fair, B. Besides, speaking as your Ecology Adviser, if somebody doesn't eat them, there will only be more next year.
Posted by: SteveS   2012-08-21 12:57  

#5  Safer to just drink the wine and offer the Mrs some..
Hormone Guide
Posted by: Bright Pebbles   2012-08-21 11:25  

#4  I planted blueberry bushes last year as well Phil, but the birds got to them. Should I now eat the birds ?
Posted by: Besoeker   2012-08-21 10:24  

#3  Ancient and somewhat debunked news.
Posted by: crosspatch   2012-08-21 03:58  

#2  Just planted some blueberry bushes in my garden.
Posted by: phil_b   2012-08-21 00:51  

#1  Bollocks. I take resveratol every day, and red wine still gets me drunk.
Posted by: Iblis   2012-08-21 00:02  

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